the waiting is the hardest part

Ah, Tom Petty...the link to this movie, which I had to watch 3 times to make sure it was really him singing it, is here. His voice is so funny...the part where his guitar goes through the paper makes me laugh, and simultaneously reminds me of those gargantuan rolls of the stuff that we used to make posters of back in public school. Thank goodness I am no longer in public school. I don't know which is more stressful...dealing with the possible threat of 2.5" long cockroaches scurrying about, or randomly appearing dead in corners that were clean just a few hours ago, OR going to school with the weird and popular kids alike who are so mean to each other and eating cafeteria food and dealing with lascivious teachers and dirt everywhere. Seriously, both just make me want to crawl into a freshly made bed where the sheets are still warm from the dryer and huddle for a good long while.
Anyway, back to the waiting: I find it rather hard to wait. I'm a pretty impatient person, it seems. I've learned to deal with traffic (mostly), and the printing queue at work (some people print 65 MB jobs, several in a row, without warning), and for everybody to go to the bathroom before we leave to go places (we meaning the immediate family). But I'm not patient on the big stuff, like finding jobs and men who will treat me well. It's a longstanding struggle. I can't live with myself, and I can't live without myself. Sometimes I'm just whistling in the car after moving ten inches in ten minutes, and sometimes I'm about ready to pull my hair out (guess it has to do with the time of day, how far I am from home, and how recent my last meal was....but still...) after a few taps on the brakes. I'm having a hard time accepting that my timing is not always perfect. And what I want is not always what I need. So. Waiting to see whether what I want is what I need, and whether I get my way or not, is very hard. Lots of times it's harder than actually going forward and moving on. That's why, as Tom Petty says, the waiting is the hardest part.

change is in the air

So. Lots of things are happening for me. In the mix, I'm trying to decide whether or not to: (a) move; (b) find a new job; (c) dedicate my entire being to an accounting course; (d) buy a new bed; (e) buy people christmas presents or make them presents, and (f) generally move on with my life. In the meantime, the sky is falling (literally! due to the fires, there is ash floating everywhere) and traffic gets worse.
I've got relationships to start and to get over, trips to plan and take, and life to start the living. Something is in the air here in SoCal. Something big is on the move - my weather-predicting scars in my back from when I had those pesky tumors removed a few years ago can sense it. I don't know what is going to change...all I know is that I hope I'm ready for it!
Thanks to you all for your love and support. I have to say that the thing about blogging that I don't like is that if you keep writing, people who weren't there 'at the beginning', per se, hardly ever go back and read the best posts (of which this is not one). This ambiguous person is not me! Something's gotta give! I'll let you know what it is when I find out. :)