"Is this slide for public consumption?" Someone told me that L asked
that at a recent activity. All I can say is that I can tell my kid's
been hanging out with me too long. ;)
I went to a work
conference. Everywhere I go, people are really supportive of me. Even at
work functions, except for one glaring exception, people have been
amazed that I would become a stepmom and they seem so impressed by it.
The assistant state auditor even told me that he was really impressed,
because he knows that "the second hardest job is being a parent. The
hardest job ever is being a [good] step-parent." He said he knew,
because he had done both. I have not done both, but I can tell you that
being a step-parent (some days I am a better step-parent than others) is
the hardest thing I have ever done in my life ... but in many ways, it
is the most rewarding.
I have learned patience. I have
learned to think of others ... always ... even when I don't want to ...
even when I am exhausted ... even when [insert every possible thing you
can think of here, and then add all the impossibles, and then you can
put a period in].
I was recently talking to a friend of
mine who has been single a long time. I feel I am no longer qualified to
talk to single people about their problems, because now I'm a "married
one" and I figure I will probably say all the stuff that used to annoy
me when people said it to me. It occurred to me that while single people
ostensibly have more time to themselves, they also do not have the
support that comes from a good, steady, loving relationship. No wonder
so many people Netflix binge! It's an interesting cycle - the more you
Netflix, the less likely you are to be in a relationship worth having.
But Netflix is such a nice escape from the loneliness - it's impossible
not to indulge at least every once in awhile. It's an interesting
conundrum.
The point of me telling you this is that she
said several times how much she admired what I'm doing. I don't see it
that I'm doing anything that great. I'm just living my life. Some days
I'm pretty short with my kids. I always feel bad afterwards, but they
know I love them and that I am just trying to help them get skills. I
mostly ignore the comments like, "You don't care for me at all, do
you?!?" random screaming, and general Overdone Mopey-ness. All my
experience says that except for the first three months, which are
numbing, the older the kids get, the harder it is to be a good parent. I
know that the older my kids get and the more they change, the more
creative I have to be with my coping mechanisms, my discipline, my
expectations, and ways to control my temper.
I think I would be more impressed with me if I saw myself from the outside. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. :)
