random parenting

"Is this slide for public consumption?" Someone told me that L asked that at a recent activity. All I can say is that I can tell my kid's been hanging out with me too long. ;)

I went to a work conference. Everywhere I go, people are really supportive of me. Even at work functions, except for one glaring exception, people have been amazed that I would become a stepmom and they seem so impressed by it. The assistant state auditor even told me that he was really impressed, because he knows that "the second hardest job is being a parent. The hardest job ever is being a [good] step-parent." He said he knew, because he had done both. I have not done both, but I can tell you that being a step-parent (some days I am a better step-parent than others) is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life ... but in many ways, it is the most rewarding.

I have learned patience. I have learned to think of others ... always ... even when I don't want to ... even when I am exhausted ... even when [insert every possible thing you can think of here, and then add all the impossibles, and then you can put a period in].

I was recently talking to a friend of mine who has been single a long time. I feel I am no longer qualified to talk to single people about their problems, because now I'm a "married one" and I figure I will probably say all the stuff that used to annoy me when people said it to me. It occurred to me that while single people ostensibly have more time to themselves, they also do not have the support that comes from a good, steady, loving relationship. No wonder so many people Netflix binge! It's an interesting cycle - the more you Netflix, the less likely you are to be in a relationship worth having. But Netflix is such a nice escape from the loneliness - it's impossible not to indulge at least every once in awhile. It's an interesting conundrum.

The point of me telling you this is that she said several times how much she admired what I'm doing. I don't see it that I'm doing anything that great. I'm just living my life. Some days I'm pretty short with my kids. I always feel bad afterwards, but they know I love them and that I am just trying to help them get skills. I mostly ignore the comments like, "You don't care for me at all, do you?!?" random screaming, and general Overdone Mopey-ness. All my experience says that except for the first three months, which are numbing, the older the kids get, the harder it is to be a good parent. I know that the older my kids get and the more they change, the more creative I have to be with my coping mechanisms, my discipline, my expectations, and ways to control my temper.

I think I would be more impressed with me if I saw myself from the outside. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. :)