streaks

On Wednesday night I put some bones in to make broth with. On Thursday night I made soup. I was chopping up some onion and after only two cuts my eyes started watering. I didn't even dice the onions at all - just sliced them into huge chunks, and my eyes were streaming by the time I was through.

I'd forgotten that I'd put on mascara at work. I'm so used to not wearing makeup that this business of wearing it has led to a few embarrassing situations - in my book, far more embarrassing than not wearing it.

Anyway, I was feeling kind of sad anyway, so it seemed perfect that I should have the excuse of the onion to cry.

TANGENT: Two weeks ago I cut onion on purpose so I could have an excuse to cry. I guess if you see me in the store toting a bag of onions, it's a pretty safe bet I'm going to be an epic mess of misery in the very near future and I might need you to grab me and give me some sound advice and make me put the onions down.

I went to the store, intent on zooming in and out. (I'd used all the onion, but I guess the good news is that I didn't have "onion" on my list - though in retrospect, I probably should have put it there...) Normally I don't even pay attention to anything except the produce when I'm in the store and I don't expect people to pay attention to me either, but this time, I'd been in the store for all of two minutes before I started getting looks. I was in "groc mode" and didn't want to bother to interpret, but after a few more minutes of more looks I put my hand on my face and realized that there was a trail of grime on my cheek.

Great. I had no idea how I looked - no clue if there were two blackish brown streaks down my cheeks or if all I could feel was residue and I was really fine. I swiped at my face, and sure enough, little bits of black came off on my fingertips. I cleaned up as best I could, forgetting (of course) that there actually was a compact in my purse...and after that I looked down at myself. I suddenly had this nightmare that I'd left the house undressed. Or at least, seriously underdressed. I guess that's the good thing about winter in the NW - you don't have to worry if you put on clothes or not, because it's so cold you'd immediately notice if it weren't the case. But I panic easily sometimes when I'm already in a self-conscious situation, which of course makes the situation even worse.

In one of my all-time favorite anime series, the girl's mentor (because of course her mother passed away when she was very young, as happens to almost all anime characters) was teaching her about applying makeup. She said makeup is like armor - if you're wearing it, you can't cry or the mask will be cracked and they (the enemy) will know that you are weak. Seems like an anti-protection, like...why put something on your face if it's a giveaway that something is wrong and you can't control it?

Beware of makeup. Beware of makeup streaking. Beware of venturing out into the world with makeup streaks you didn't know you had. Beware of strong onions.

sad rain

the rain's comin' down
all around this place
it's so cold and wet
on my tired, worn face

and i'm wondering
if it's all worthwhile
if i'll ever find
comfort in my style

and my eyes are closed
and i hear the drum
of the drops all round
steady as they come

i breathe in the damp
there's no lightning flash
as the world moves on
cars make puddles splash

and i wonder if
it'll ever stop
will it cover me
little drop by drop

will my tears blend in
'til I wash away
does the sun exist?
no, dear - not today.

Southern Utah

There are a few things about Southern Utah you might not know. Chances are if you are reading this blog you know them, but I'll share anyway.

1.There's a mini monsoon season every year; usually it's a week and a half the back half of August, but this year some of it came a little early. It rains some places, hard, and not in other places. (See left.)

2. There are lots of sheep here. I was surprised how big they were. Look at the size of that thing's head! I was surprised to glance out the window and bam: SHEEP FACE, right in my face. (Okay, a few feet of air and some glass and some metal separated us, but I think that is the closest I had ever been to that many sheep.) Except maybe last year at the Puyallup fair, but most of those were lambs. By the way, people who take care of sheep dominate Southern Utah. Sheep peeps rock. (I come from a long line of sheep peeps.On both sides. And yet I don't like mutton...)

3. If you drive down the road, the scenery changes. If you start near Salt Lake, and go south for a couple hours, you see what's left. And then if you drive for another little while ("How long is a little whiiiiiile?") you see something like what's  right.

4. And then the scenery really changes a couple hours after that - from regular colored mountains to red plateaus and piles of rock. Southern Utah is like a geological paradise. Maybe that's why my grandpa, who grew up in the area, decided to pursue geology as a course of study and then, later, his career.

5. And this is a beautiful, typical Southern Utah in August cloud. Look at the height,  the variation of color...it's "It Looked Like Spilt Milk" at its finest. It was a lot more impressive in person, I assure you - but I couldn't resist sharing it just to preserve the memory.