dragons

You know, I used to think dragons were cool.

Giant lazy lizards that were rich, feisty, fiery, and pretty much impossible to kill. Very few weaknesses, except perhaps one loose scale somewhere and a ridiculous fondness for treasure.

The ones that can talk are even better. Dragons that can change forms back and forth between human and dragon are less cool.

Slumberous eyes, rumbly gravelly voices, gleaming claws and teeth, breath that could shrivel even the most stout of hearts with its fetid potency. [How do dragons kiss, one wonders? Perhaps that's a reason there seem to be so few dragons.]

I even got a dragon for Christmas, I thought they were so cool. Mine is wooden, so he's still all right...but all other dragons, forget it.

Why the change of heart, you ask?

It started with a germ. A germ that my immune system could not suppress before it spread. It lodged in my throat and nose. I don't know what was going on -- swelling, perhaps, from the rapid regeneration of sickly cells? In any case, it felt like my nose and throat were on fire. FIRE!

As my discomfort level rose, so did the frequency of my thoughts about dragons.

I came to the conclusion that being a dragon would be no good:
*  you're a dragon, therefore living a solitary life, probably in a cave, or an abandoned mine, with no company except gold and errant knights, princesses, or trolls...and then you would probably eat the company, which is BAD FORM, so then you'd go back to being lonely. Not fun.
*  your throat is always on fire. Always. Not just when you have a cold. My throat being on fire for even 24 hours for the second time in two months was enough to make me wish I never became a dragon, even in a dream.
*  when you're a sick dragon, you have to drink lots of tea. So your sense of smell and touch and taste is all off, so the likelihood you will burn your tongue on said tea goes up about 1,052%. Then you're even more like a dragon. An irritated dragon with a burnt tongue. [How do dragons not burn their tongues when they belch forth their fiery flames, I wonder? These are the important questions that inquisitive minds demand be answered.]

I mean, really. How do dragons, who are cold-blooded (one supposes), muster the incredible amount of energy it would take to produce a flame? And do they have to keep swallowing flint and tinder in order to allow the strike necessary for the flame to come out? Or is it more like a flamethrowing trick and they just have a little nozzle that looks like an errant whisker at the corner of their mouths?

That would make more sense, and would also make most of this blog post irrelevant.  I sense a science fair project coming on!!