Friday, September 28, 2012
Gum Wall
It's like an undersea coral reef parody
But with a little bit of sticky, and a big bit of icky.
Some sections seem rock solid, some look a bit drippy.
It's got a little smelly and the thought just churns the belly
Of all those chewers, turned to gluers...
___
Imagine one big fish
like the one in the Raw Shark Texts
scarfing all this gum
chomping it up
making a giant gumball
out of all the sticky icky
what about going to the trouble
of maneuvering around so many teeth
and working against water properties
just to blow a bubble
only to have a tiny jelly pop it
Friday, September 21, 2012
Five Each
Five Things I like about Being In Portland (no particular order)
1. Food carts.
2. Bridges (whee!!)
3. No sales tax
4. Friendly people
5. Living situation
Five Things I Cannot Stand about Portland:
1. Lack of air travel options/expensive fares/proximity to airport (this is so annoying it gets two spots)
3. Income tax
4. Expensive housing market
5. Lack of awesome grocery store in my neighborhood. Or even surrounding neighborhoods. ! I will waste away or grow like Jack Sprat's wife due to lack of groc options. (Those are not quite like stock options, but are nearly as valuable in some cases.)
1. Food carts.
2. Bridges (whee!!)
3. No sales tax
4. Friendly people
5. Living situation
Five Things I Cannot Stand about Portland:
1. Lack of air travel options/expensive fares/proximity to airport (this is so annoying it gets two spots)
3. Income tax
4. Expensive housing market
5. Lack of awesome grocery store in my neighborhood. Or even surrounding neighborhoods. ! I will waste away or grow like Jack Sprat's wife due to lack of groc options. (Those are not quite like stock options, but are nearly as valuable in some cases.)
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
LA Same-bots: even the radio
It was my opinion when I lived in LA that everything was the same.
Everybody was trying to be (a) skinnier, blonder, browner, manscaped, landscaped, toned, tweezed, and whatever else have you. Even the palm trees, which were peppered along at mostly regular intervals.
Everybody drove BMWs, Lexuses, or Mercedes. (Whether they could afford them or not, and if they didn't drive one, they wanted one.) Seriously, every other car it seemed was one of those three makes.
Everybody drove on the same freeways. Everybody talked about the same stuff. (Celebrity gossip, mostly). *this is an injustice and I know it, but I'm being hyperbolic to emphasize my point.
Last week, when I was back in LA, I rented a car. I was on the road for maybe ten hours of the 80 I spent there. And the more I drove, the more my mind was numbed. But before the numbness came a concern for the musical souls of everybody in the barren wasteland that is LA. It has its beauties, but those are for another post.
I was mournful because I had six presets, with six different stations. One was classical, and one was country. That left four. I listened to some classical, no country, and bounced around between the other four stations for awhile. I even spent a lot of time with the radio off, because I felt like Groundhog Day. I heard the same songs...over....and over... and over...until I just started keeping track.
I thought, okay, you'd think the Top 40 were the only songs allowed, that we were in some dystopian society. The music was so repetitive and became so lame in my mind simply because of the overexposure that I actually wished some teenage girl would come along and rescue me and the rest of the teeming metropolis from the horrid music.
Here's the count for you.
Pink - Blow Me One Last Kiss: 10, including switching away from it on one station only to hear it start up immediately after on two stations. IF I NEVER HEAR THIS SONG AGAIN IT WILL BE FAR TOO SOON.
Rihanna: Where Have You Been: 7 (The lyrics to this one are particularly inane, it seems. "I been everywhere, man, lookin' for you, babe. I been everywhere, man, lookin' for you babe." It just seems like, a mix of "dude" and "honey" that isn't remotely appealing. I mean, the sentiment of the song is nice on a flowery level (not that Rihanna ever gets flowery, but I do), but she would have been better saying, "dudney" or "dooney" or maybe "hondud" instead.
Calvin Harris (not the history teacher): Feel So Close: 2 (I actually like this song, so I'm not complaining, though I can only take about two listens before I'm done.)
Katy Perry: Wide Awake, 4 Seriously, enough enough enough!!!!!
Fun. Some Nights: 3 I could actually take a few more listens of this one.
Flo Rida: Whistle - 5 I love the whistling part, but seriously, the rest of it? This is the sad exception to the rule that any song that has whistling in it automatically gets bumped up 2 points on the out-of-ten cool scale. :( It's a sadness.
Demi Lovato: Give Your Heart A Break - 4 I remember the first time I heard this, I was like, oh, yeah, this is totally bubble gum, and then I got to one of the lines and I was like, WHAT? they put that in a song, unedited, for tiny children to hear? I was so disgusted I turned it off and subsequently switched the channel whenever I heard it, which is probably why the count on some of the other songs is so high. Life lesson: Do not be a Mickey Mouseketeer. You'll grow up really fast, always be under the spotlight, have screaming tweenage fans, and go from being all little girl to must-be-as-sexy-as-soon-as-possible in about three months. And then the chances are you'll wear crazy clothes that are (a) inappropriate and (b) age inappropriate on national television, or go crazy and shave your hair and have a complete breakdown.
Carly Rae Jepsen: Call me, Maybe - 3. This has got to be the stupidest song ever, after Rihanna's Umbrella, Flo Rida's Whistle, and all of the Black Eyed Peas songs ever made. (See Dysphemisms post.) Seriously, I understood the term "bubblegum pop" after I heard this song.
And then finally there are a couple songs I heard that I was actually GLAD to hear, but alas I only heard them once each.
1. OneRepublic: Good Life . This is one that is definitely in the whistle-makes-it-better category.
2. Train - Drive By. This one didn't jump out and grab me the first time I heard it, but now, I kinda like it. Ah, train, there are only a few songs of yours I don't like. Like Drops of Jupiter. Maybe that's the only one I don't like.
Gosh. It's late. (I'm on early bird time since moving to P-town.) There are so many more songs I want to write about. So I will, later. But I'm going to make a list of them now so I don't forget.
Mumford & Sons - I will Wait :)
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful :(
Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart :)
Gotye - Somebody
Everybody was trying to be (a) skinnier, blonder, browner, manscaped, landscaped, toned, tweezed, and whatever else have you. Even the palm trees, which were peppered along at mostly regular intervals.
Everybody drove BMWs, Lexuses, or Mercedes. (Whether they could afford them or not, and if they didn't drive one, they wanted one.) Seriously, every other car it seemed was one of those three makes.
Everybody drove on the same freeways. Everybody talked about the same stuff. (Celebrity gossip, mostly). *this is an injustice and I know it, but I'm being hyperbolic to emphasize my point.
Last week, when I was back in LA, I rented a car. I was on the road for maybe ten hours of the 80 I spent there. And the more I drove, the more my mind was numbed. But before the numbness came a concern for the musical souls of everybody in the barren wasteland that is LA. It has its beauties, but those are for another post.
I was mournful because I had six presets, with six different stations. One was classical, and one was country. That left four. I listened to some classical, no country, and bounced around between the other four stations for awhile. I even spent a lot of time with the radio off, because I felt like Groundhog Day. I heard the same songs...over....and over... and over...until I just started keeping track.
I thought, okay, you'd think the Top 40 were the only songs allowed, that we were in some dystopian society. The music was so repetitive and became so lame in my mind simply because of the overexposure that I actually wished some teenage girl would come along and rescue me and the rest of the teeming metropolis from the horrid music.
Here's the count for you.
Pink - Blow Me One Last Kiss: 10, including switching away from it on one station only to hear it start up immediately after on two stations. IF I NEVER HEAR THIS SONG AGAIN IT WILL BE FAR TOO SOON.
Rihanna: Where Have You Been: 7 (The lyrics to this one are particularly inane, it seems. "I been everywhere, man, lookin' for you, babe. I been everywhere, man, lookin' for you babe." It just seems like, a mix of "dude" and "honey" that isn't remotely appealing. I mean, the sentiment of the song is nice on a flowery level (not that Rihanna ever gets flowery, but I do), but she would have been better saying, "dudney" or "dooney" or maybe "hondud" instead.
Calvin Harris (not the history teacher): Feel So Close: 2 (I actually like this song, so I'm not complaining, though I can only take about two listens before I'm done.)
Katy Perry: Wide Awake, 4 Seriously, enough enough enough!!!!!
Fun. Some Nights: 3 I could actually take a few more listens of this one.
Flo Rida: Whistle - 5 I love the whistling part, but seriously, the rest of it? This is the sad exception to the rule that any song that has whistling in it automatically gets bumped up 2 points on the out-of-ten cool scale. :( It's a sadness.
Demi Lovato: Give Your Heart A Break - 4 I remember the first time I heard this, I was like, oh, yeah, this is totally bubble gum, and then I got to one of the lines and I was like, WHAT? they put that in a song, unedited, for tiny children to hear? I was so disgusted I turned it off and subsequently switched the channel whenever I heard it, which is probably why the count on some of the other songs is so high. Life lesson: Do not be a Mickey Mouseketeer. You'll grow up really fast, always be under the spotlight, have screaming tweenage fans, and go from being all little girl to must-be-as-sexy-as-soon-as-possible in about three months. And then the chances are you'll wear crazy clothes that are (a) inappropriate and (b) age inappropriate on national television, or go crazy and shave your hair and have a complete breakdown.
Carly Rae Jepsen: Call me, Maybe - 3. This has got to be the stupidest song ever, after Rihanna's Umbrella, Flo Rida's Whistle, and all of the Black Eyed Peas songs ever made. (See Dysphemisms post.) Seriously, I understood the term "bubblegum pop" after I heard this song.
And then finally there are a couple songs I heard that I was actually GLAD to hear, but alas I only heard them once each.
1. OneRepublic: Good Life . This is one that is definitely in the whistle-makes-it-better category.
2. Train - Drive By. This one didn't jump out and grab me the first time I heard it, but now, I kinda like it. Ah, train, there are only a few songs of yours I don't like. Like Drops of Jupiter. Maybe that's the only one I don't like.
Gosh. It's late. (I'm on early bird time since moving to P-town.) There are so many more songs I want to write about. So I will, later. But I'm going to make a list of them now so I don't forget.
Mumford & Sons - I will Wait :)
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful :(
Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart :)
Gotye - Somebody
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Chelan in the Springtime
About half a year ago (yes, I am running behind on my blog) I went to Lake Chelan. It's gorgeous.
So I thought I'd share some of its pulchritude with you.
Left: The tree at the top makes me think of the oft-lamented Seahorse Tree. Also, I love how springtime clouds can be white and gray at the same time.
Below, Right: The town has in the last fifteen years or so become the Washington version of Napa. (I think that Napa snobs would be very upset at the comparison...but if the grape ferments...)
Below, Left: Low lake. Wonder what it looks like now?
Right: View of one of the bridges over the river.
Left: All that grey fuzzy looking stuff is actually a conglomeration of apple tree branches. Acres and acres of them. From a distance they look like warm fuzzies. (well, at least fuzzies. The warm is automatically implied because I'm me. :) )
Right: The view from my balcony at 5:45 am. (There was a "fun run" that I was in charge of that began at six... Ugh.)
Here's the view. I can't really do panoramic on the blog without smooshing the pic together, but hopefully from l-r you'll be able to see how pretty it was, even in pre-bloom springtime.
The first one is on the approach; the rest are the 180 view from where you see the car.
Sometimes, a picture is worth a thousand words. It was so peaceful...I think only one car drove by me the whole ten or fifteen minutes I was out there, just snapping photos (some of myself with the view in the background...but none of those turned out satisfactorily enough to post). It was so beautiful it made my heart sing.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Just Stick It On Your Head...with a side of pancake.
Me: Hi, IGPM! How are you? Are you having a good day?
IGPM: I'm fine. Guess what? Mom made a plan. It's a plan to have pizza every Friday for dinner.
Me: That sounds like a yummy plan.
IGPM: It is. You should come have some pizza on a Friday sometime.
Me: Well, I'd love to, but I can't for awhile, because I'll be moving. Remember that I'm moving?
IGPM: Yes, I knew that. (pause. Then, hopefully:) You should stick the idea on your head though. It's a good idea!
Me: (trying not to laugh) Yes, it is a good idea.
IGPM: You shouldn't forget it. You should come on a Monday sometime, so you can stay with us and have pizza on Friday. You should come at...(another lengthy pause, with mom coaching in the background) Christmas!! Yes, you should come at Christmas.
Me: I'd love to, honey, but we'll have to see. [Ick. I hated it when older people told me that when I was growing up. I inwardly cringed as the words left my mouth.]
IGPM: Just remember to stick it on your head. (then, without prompting:) I'll remind you every time in case you forget!
SO CUTE.
Even more cute was when he looked at me with a look so full of love it made my heart sing a little and said, "You are yummy as pancakes!"
That was quite possibly the nicest compliment I've ever been paid.
IGPM: I'm fine. Guess what? Mom made a plan. It's a plan to have pizza every Friday for dinner.
Me: That sounds like a yummy plan.
IGPM: It is. You should come have some pizza on a Friday sometime.
Me: Well, I'd love to, but I can't for awhile, because I'll be moving. Remember that I'm moving?
IGPM: Yes, I knew that. (pause. Then, hopefully:) You should stick the idea on your head though. It's a good idea!
Me: (trying not to laugh) Yes, it is a good idea.
IGPM: You shouldn't forget it. You should come on a Monday sometime, so you can stay with us and have pizza on Friday. You should come at...(another lengthy pause, with mom coaching in the background) Christmas!! Yes, you should come at Christmas.
Me: I'd love to, honey, but we'll have to see. [Ick. I hated it when older people told me that when I was growing up. I inwardly cringed as the words left my mouth.]
IGPM: Just remember to stick it on your head. (then, without prompting:) I'll remind you every time in case you forget!
SO CUTE.
Even more cute was when he looked at me with a look so full of love it made my heart sing a little and said, "You are yummy as pancakes!"
That was quite possibly the nicest compliment I've ever been paid.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Decisions
Where to go:
Turn right or left, go fast or slow.
Jet to New York, Paris, or Moscow.
To the groc'ry or to the old fort,
Head for bed or see some sport.
What to Wear:
Paisley or plaid, blue-black or brown.
Yes to the raincoat, or else I'll drown.
Sandals or peeps, stilettos or boots
Pants with some stretch? Or seersucker suits?
Where to Live:
Mountains required, no roaches please.
A pantry, garage, and A/C? Don't tease!
Not too hot or too cold, and never, ever, live with mold.
A washer and dryer in a place not too old.
Where to Work:
Respect and appreciation too.
Yes to the desk job, no to the zoo.
Portland or LA or DC, Seattle
Deciding who's boss is always a battle.
Turn right or left, go fast or slow.
Jet to New York, Paris, or Moscow.
To the groc'ry or to the old fort,
Head for bed or see some sport.
What to Wear:
Paisley or plaid, blue-black or brown.
Yes to the raincoat, or else I'll drown.
Sandals or peeps, stilettos or boots
Pants with some stretch? Or seersucker suits?
Where to Live:
Mountains required, no roaches please.
A pantry, garage, and A/C? Don't tease!
Not too hot or too cold, and never, ever, live with mold.
A washer and dryer in a place not too old.
Where to Work:
Respect and appreciation too.
Yes to the desk job, no to the zoo.
Portland or LA or DC, Seattle
Deciding who's boss is always a battle.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Frolicking Foursome
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then they got in the car and listened to Gotye and other angry girl music. As they whizzed down the road with the windows down and the speakers up, they passed beautiful forested properties and some really big houses which seemed really too big to ever want to live in but seemed majestic and somehow covet-worthy all the same.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They came across fields of marshmallows but elected not to stop and pluck them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After they had journeyed for awhile, going around bends effortlessly in German-engineered grace, they alit at Grandmother's House, which was open and smelled of good things and seemed wholesome and wonderful in the way that only good old people can. There were even peppermint patties in the special "secret" pot on the bookshelf. They knew Grandma didn't even like peppermint patties - she just kept a stock of them around for the sentimentality of it, knowing it brought the kids and grandkids pleasure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then, after borrowing some jackets in various shapes, fabrics, and sizes (because all good Grandmas have a stock of the essential things in life for when their grandkids come by unannounced), the Foursome set off to frolic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They ended up passing the Wicked Metal Gates, and stopped to do an experiment to see what it would feel like to be wicked, and/or metal, gates. But the gates couldn't keep them from the river, with its sandstone bottom and tiny jumping fish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Armed with only flip-flops (3), flats (1) sunglasses (3) jackets (4) and smartphones (1) as weapons, they marched into the forest, listening to music and calling out to each other as they made their way toward the river.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When they arrived there was plenty to do:
1. skip rocks 2. ponder 3. take pictures of themselves
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then one of the foursome fell into a trap: unwarranted preening via picture. She got what she deserved because one of the other four snuck up on her and poked fun. It happened so easily...like one...two...three.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then they breathed the joy of life into the river and a blanket of mist arose, spreading quickly, like a ray of sunshine or a patch of morning glory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And then they moved on, and frolicked in the field, which you can see in all its blurry glory to the right, and if you look past the road below, you'll be able to see it. It was mown down to about 9" tall, mostly, and then there was a perimeter that had been mowed further - a single mower-width of shorter grass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The girls abandoned the pavement and were leaping about, trying to click their heels in front of them (awkward and not very safe), behind them (foolish, but quite entertaining to watch) and to the side (that really works best).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the stars started to come out and the moon rose, the girls turned for the road, herded by the park ranger. They were done frolicking - now they walked sedately. No trip-trapping over the bridge...it was more like trailing as they ran out of steam. (Well, only one ran out of steam...no prizes if you guess who.)
Then they went back to Grandmother's House, where they were fed and watered, and quite happily stayed to talk about China and Chairman Mao, adopted babies, and family news.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Retracing the curves they had previously traversed, they were full of quiet content. One of them even fell asleep in the backseat, just as she would have when she was a little girl. It was cute. And then the evening was over and the realities of life crept back in, just a little bit. But the Frolicking Foursome had made one darn good idyllic summertime memory in the process.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Camptown Races
So...there was no camp, and no town. But there were some races. I was thinking more of the line, "Somebody bet on the bobtailed nag, somebody bet on the grey."
Here we are in front of the Emerald Downs sign. (JT, me, EC.) Yay! I wore a dress and a hat in honor of my first time at the races. They actually sold frou frou hats inside and I would have bought one but they all had sequins on them or feathers and I don't "do" sequins or feathers. Much. (As a side note, I suppose the best time TO "do" them would be with a hat, but alas, I did not capitalize on the "opportunity."
1 (a)The trainers and jockeys get the horses ready. (See left.)
1 (b) Concurrently, the track managers do dust control with water trucks (right). It's kind of needed.
There are only about 20 minutes between races for everything that follows to happen, so they have to be kinda quick. (PS, I chose the grey to win. I'm a sucker for greys...but they never win.)
2 (a) The horses parade by, left. Look closely. (Past me.) Listen to the announcer in his half-British, half-New York twang. Choose which one you think is going to win. (I picked two winners, in a row, by the way. Tribaltikque and Quinette, icywi.) I'm standing in the grandstands...I thought they'd would be less bleachers and more seats, but maybe I've watched too many horse-y movies where the stakes were high to be in horse race reality.
5. Then they somehow convince the horses to get boxed in.
6. Then they're off!
The whole thing took less than 1:38 for a full mile, and less than 1:10 for the six and a half furlongs. Unless you were the grey. Then it took more like 1:11.
Here they are at the finish.
Here's the winner!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Wardrobe Wrules
When Shopping:
1. Never buy clothes you have to fight with to keep them in the proper place.
2. If it looks bad on the model, don't even bother trying it on/ordering it.
3. Always check to see if it needs to be dry cleaned BEFORE taking it to the register.
4. If you don't approve with at least 98.5% of your heart and your mind, put it down, unless you are in a dire situation like your pants ripped and you are out so you must get new ones immediately.
5. Don't be ruled by the price tag. What I mean is, if it's $9.89, don't tell yourself, "It's only ten dollars!" Why pay ten dollars for something that doesn't make you look smartly sassy or stylish?
General Tips:
1. Shopping with new people is a must. You get new ideas that way.
2. Never buy itchy, scratchy, or hive-inducing clothes. (This one shouldn't even have to be on the list but I included it just to be on the safe side.)
3. If you order clothes online, when you get them, try them on, make the decision whether to keep or return immediately, pack it up, and ship it back on the afternoon train.
1. Never buy clothes you have to fight with to keep them in the proper place.
2. If it looks bad on the model, don't even bother trying it on/ordering it.
3. Always check to see if it needs to be dry cleaned BEFORE taking it to the register.
4. If you don't approve with at least 98.5% of your heart and your mind, put it down, unless you are in a dire situation like your pants ripped and you are out so you must get new ones immediately.
5. Don't be ruled by the price tag. What I mean is, if it's $9.89, don't tell yourself, "It's only ten dollars!" Why pay ten dollars for something that doesn't make you look smartly sassy or stylish?
General Tips:
1. Shopping with new people is a must. You get new ideas that way.
2. Never buy itchy, scratchy, or hive-inducing clothes. (This one shouldn't even have to be on the list but I included it just to be on the safe side.)
3. If you order clothes online, when you get them, try them on, make the decision whether to keep or return immediately, pack it up, and ship it back on the afternoon train.
Monday, July 2, 2012
New York, New York, Part II
Thinking about the TMBG song, I decided to go to Rockefeller Center (right). It was a beautiful morning. I decided not to go to Top of the Rock because the wait was so long and I was feeling keenly the "alone-ness" of traveling alone that day. Let's just say I didn't plan as well as I should have...there's so much I would have done differently if I'd known, but I'm still glad I had such a good time. :)
And here is Atlas Shrugged, because I'd just finished reading the book, and was full of ideas about it. I'll not write about those ideas in this blog post.
And here she is, Lady Liberty herself, as seen from the boat on a picture-perfect day.
And here's a view of some buildings from the ferry (you go all the way to the southern tip of the famous Isle of Manhattan and then go southwest to get to Staten Island, which, by the way, is awfully close to New Jersey.
And another view of a lot more buildings from the ferry.
Then I did all sorts of other cool (walking) things, and saw more awesome things, and felt like the Primary song, "Pioneer children sang as they walked and walked and walked and walked..." and I felt like adding, "and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked and....waaalllkkkkeed." (that last one is like the battery-powered toy winding down, sputtering.)
And then it was really early but I didn't care...I took probably one of the loveliest showers I've ever taken in my life and went to bed, because I knew that on the next day, I was going to see lovely things, and I wanted to be ready. But I'm not ready to go into what I saw in detail just now so I'll post this and let you get ready...for more New York!
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