letting go

It has come to my attention recently that the effects of love and indifference can, on the surface, look identical. Before your brain boggles, let me explain:

To love a person, you must let him/her go.

You let people go all the time that you don't particularly care about. In dating situations, you might simply just not call for that second or third date. In business situations, you tighten your network. In fb land, you purge your friendlist. You let go.

But you also let go of people you love very best. Mothers send their children off to college every year. And to kindergarten (maybe the same mom doesn't do both every year, but...). Fathers watch their teenagers take the car, wondering if both will make it back in one piece. Caretakers sit by the sickbed, coming to terms with the inevitable in quiet conversations - and often, the sick try to hold on until their loved ones are a little more ready. In relationships, sometimes you love people so much that even though it hurts like a knife to contemplate them being happy with someone else, you know that they wouldn't be happy and it's better to end the relationship sooner rather than later--before it hurts even more.

Love is a 'many splendored thing' - comes in different sizes and shapes. Actually, the love emanating from each person is never the same color or shape or density because no two people are alike...and every person loves no two other people in exactly the same way, so the shape of love between two people is also varied.

Love, as recorded earlier in my All in a Word post, can be unrequited. Or unbalanced. Too giving, or too selfish. No wonder speakers of other languages get so frustrated by the word "love" in English. There's only one word for it. Not like "moisture" (rain, sleet, snow, drizzle, shower, thunderstorm). Adding descriptors is necessary. Maybe the English needed reasons to constantly re-think, re-define, re-actualize their love. Maybe they were just too lazy to come up with new beautiful words to describe their feelings.

In any case, love is a gift - to receive, and to give - each spark of true love is unique, culminating in burning heartfires. So I'm going to treasure each flare of sulphur I receive, and rejoice in every stick of kindling I give...until the time comes to let go.

Thanksgiving

This year, I deviated from my usual pattern for Thanksgiving and went to J's J's Parent's House for Thanksgiving, and was indoctrinated into Other Ways of Thinking About Thanksgiving as a result.

Meaning, I tried new food.
I had some homemade pickles for the first time on Thanksgiving. They were delicious.
I also had some chocolate mascarpone pudding-ish goodness. It was like...a pudding brownie. Or something. Words can't describe it but it was really yummy. Good enough that I felt like saying, "These mashed potatoes are so creamy" about fifty times because it was, in fact, that creamy. (No, they weren't chocolate potatoes. But the movie quote was just irresistible.)
I also had mashed potatoes with leeks in them. They were also good.
I also had no stuffing. (at least, on Thursday. I had crock pot stuffing on Friday, which was surprisingly delicious.) I didn't even really know I liked stuffing until it just wasn't there. It's still definitely not my favorite...I guess it's all about expectations.
Zucchini-thickened gravy, instead of made with flour or cornstarch. Which didn't make it taste like zucchini, but it added some color to it.
I also had an entire drumstick and didn't gnaw on it. I was proud of myself. The turkey was also soaked in beer, which I had never had either.
I also ate cranberry cheese. That is, cheese with cranberries in it.
And chocolate tortilla chips. Yep. Actual chocolate in the chip. They took me by surprise, and not in a bad way.
And I eyed a "Mock-Apple pie" with distaste and refused some. Apparently you can make apple-less apple pie if you dunk Ritz crackers in apple pie spices and bake it. (Or some such nonsense. It wasn't plausible enough that I wanted to test it out.)
Kale salad with cheese. I had never seen so much kale in my life. The dressing was also very good. And there was cheese on the salad. 
Oreo whipped cream. Or, cookies n cream cream. Oreo whipped cream sounds better. Also less like generic brand. (I usually don't much care between brand name and no name, but in Oreo cases, Nabisco always wins.) 
I also had some grapefruit, strawberry-jello pie. That's right. Grapefruit, coated in strawberry jello mixture stuff. It was actually really good. The tart of the grapefruit and then the sweet of the jello was a surprisingly attractive mix. It was just the aftertaste that I wasn't sure about.

I also saw a Yoda-head earring in the process of being made, a blue heron, high high tide, a beautiful view of the Sound, won at Sevens, and met twins. Oh. And did some black friday shopping. So all in all, it was an eventful weekend.

I'm thankful that I have a good life. It could be better, but I think a lot of the reason why it isn't earth-shatteringly great on most days is because I could simply have a better attitude and be more grateful for the things I have and try harder to get the things I don't have that are really important to me.  But I'm thankful that I do try, and you know, sometimes bad things just happen. But a lot of how good my life will be dependent on how I choose to react to the bad things.

I'm going to go forage for leftovers. In the meantime, hope you all had a great Thanksgiving weekend!

I Feel (Good?)...

11/15/11, 8:06 am CST: Feeling: Sick.   I was on Day 5 1/2 of An Exceedingly Bad Cold.

11/15/11, 3:24 pm CST: Feeling: Joy.    As  I was leaving I got a "star upon thar" in the form of a red star sticker from my niece. She told me I was the Best Auntie Ever for being the first to come visit her in her new house. (Other Aunties, be not jealous. I am sure if you ever visit you will get Best Auntie Ever stickers, too.)

11/15/11, 7:50-8:26 pm PST: Feeling: Pain. I had a head cold and with no decongestant I got on a plane. I think I'm really lucky that my eardrum(s) didn't rupture. The pressure was so bad. I hurt so much. I couldn't even think about being nauseated because the head situation was so bad.

11/15/11, 8:40 pm PST: Feeling: Relieved/Happy. No longer on the plane ride! While I am appreciative of the fact that the landing was butter smooth, the pressure was really a killer. Upon reflection of the events of the day, I smiled because I got a package of Kleenex from a sister to show she loves me (and she let me use up like a whole box while I was there, too), a ride to the airport from a brother-in-law, seven games with Gregor, and Kater watched intently as I packed. The girl who has to be torn from movies wanted to watch me pack! I was nearly overcome.

11/15/11 10:20 pm PST: Feeling: Relieved. Home. Cold. In pajamas. Reading 'directions' on decongestant I purchased as soon as I got home.

11/15/11, 11pm-1am today, PST: Delirium.

11/16/11 6:50 am: Feeling: Like I slept. I went to bed and didn't wake up feeling like there was fire in my nose six times during the night. I'm pretty sure I didn't breathe through my mouth either because I think I was too busy grinding my teeth instead. You know you really need to go see that second and third dentist to get opinions when a lot of your dreams feature teeth.


11/16/11 8:24 am: Feeling: Worried. All the decongestant that was supposed to be slow release, over 12 hours, decided to take effect on my walk to work. I thought my head was going to 'bust a gasket', as my dad would say, before I could safely get to work and take care of the situation. Thankfully, I made it and you did not see "Seattle Woman's Head Explodes; Officials Rush To Clean Up Damage" on the mid-morning Yahoo post. Phew.

11/16/11 1:06 pm: Feeling: Good. I'm sitting in my work chair, downing my not-pho, when I realize: I feel good. I'm not tired. My head doesn't ache. Yeah, I'm sick, but...wait!! I'm sick? Who knew?

11/16/11 2:11 pm: Feeling: Medicated. Holy cow. No wonder I felt good not so long ago! Ick. I seriously think I had some hallucinations. No wonder people can get addicted to cold medicine!

11/17/11 11:30 am: Feeling: Deja vu. I just spend three hours on the phone with the tech guy because my connection to the server went out. I thought I was disconnecting my LAN cord and reconnecting it (at the source end; I'd already tried the computer end) but accidentally disconnected from the tech guy instead because I (in my medicated state) mistook the phone jack for the LAN jack. Ugh. And then when the guy called me back (thank you!) my computer had magically reconnected itself to the server and everything was fine. Yay for being fine. Not yay for randomly having issues and then making people think I'm delusional because they miraculously fix themselves. (I was going to add 'without explanation' there, but figured that 'miraculous' covered that, too.)

11/17/11 2:00 pm: Feeling: Hungry. Late lunch!

11/17/11 7:00 pm: Feeling: Shocked. Still not hungry, but at the grocery store. While shopping for Fage (yum! my new favorite) and gleefully hoarding all the remaining Snack'mm jars of Vlasic pickles because they were on sale for $2.50 (they're usually $4) I realized, out of the blue, that I had forgotten to eat breakfast that morning! That never, ever happens to me. I have never 'forgotten' to eat breakfast before. I blamed it on the cold medicine and decided to abstain from then on.

11/18/11 5:00 pm: Feeling: Relieved. It's the weekend, everybody! Also, I stopped at the library and picked up some good stuff. :) Also, a bit frustrated that I am still not back to 100%. But at least I don't sound like a man-braying-donkey anymore.

11/19/11 9:00 am: Feeling: Like I should get out of bed. But I actually couldn't make myself get out of bed, so I waited until J called me at 10:15 to do so. (I know.)

11/19/11 4:00 pm: Feeling: COLD. And over-shopped. 30 degrees outside and lots of sticker shock can do that to a girl.

11/19/11 9:00 pm: Feeling: Finished with this blog post. Hopeful that tomorrow I will be back to 100%!

Game Face

I really like to play games. I like to win games, too. I don't mind losing, but what I do mind is losing a game that took forever to play and it was clear from, oh, round 4 of 386 that I was going to lose, and lose by a wide margin. It kind of depends on the day. Sometimes you could kick my proverbial trash and I would just smile and blithely whistle the rest of the day away. Sometimes I can get a super grouch face on that doesn't evaporate until you feed me or I sleep or both. Probably both. (Let's be honest.)

During a visit to my sister in TX, I was playing with her boy. He's great at games. He's only five. He is so accommodating and although he does occasionally peek when he's not supposed to, and he sometimes whines when things don't go his way, he is generally very self-regulated and even polices himself when he cheats. He's so cute! (Cute is an understatement, but I thought I'd give you a break from all my hyperbole for this post.)

Anyway, so a lot of this visit has been spent playing games and reading books and sleeping. (This is how almost all my visits go. It's great. Sadly I also got sick this time around, but hey, you can't win 'em all.) 

The first night I was in town, I asked Gregor what he wanted to play, and he said, "We could play Memory, or Go Fish with Memory cards." 

I said, "Okay..." but before I could finish vocalizing my game choice, he interrupted and said, "Let's play Go Fish with Memory cards, because I don't really like Memory." He said it in the most polite voice. I couldn't help it - neither could his mom - we both burst out laughing. 

I guess there's more than one type of game face - poker face, and honest face. I prefer honest face. 

Proper Protocol

Imagine falling asleep on the couch - not feeling so hot, meaning to go to bed but just not quite getting there before you pass out. You're sleeping lightly, with the light on (which means you must be really tired), and then all the sudden your eyes open wide because you hear the distinct sound of a key in your lock. It's not your key. Your keys are in their usual spot. (Yes, your eyes check just to make sure.)

The noise, followed by muffled sounds of agitation, and keys being dropped on the ground, comes again as the would-be intruder makes another go.

Not wanting to believe your ears, you cautiously make your way across the floor to the door and slide up to the peephole. Peering out, you see that someone, indeed, is trying to make his way into your apartment. Sagging against the wall, your brain does some mental calculations, runs through a few scenarios as you watch the lock, praying that it doesn't give, and you ask yourself this question:

What is proper protocol when a neighbor mistakes your apartment for his at 1:30 am?

Do you open the door and give him the Evil Glare of Death?
No. Too risky. What if he was inebriated or had violent tendencies?

Do you not say anything and just hope he'll wise up and go away?
No. You might die of adrenaline spiking by then. Besides, what if he got frustrated and kicked the door down?

Do you yell rudely through the door, "Look, buddy, you've got the wrong apartment!"
No. That might wake other neighbors up. Their sleep time is important, too.

I'll tell you what I'd do. It may not be Proper Protocol, but I'd knock on *my* side of the door and say politely, "Excuse me, I believe you have the wrong apartment."

Then hopefully, the keys would drop as the owner was completely stupefied by his mistake. The mutterings would cease. And what would be extra nice would be an apology in the form of: "Oh! I'm so sorry!" being heard through the door.

And I would check the door three times to make sure it was still intact and then huddle in bed until I fell asleep.

Thank you, Gmail

Whenever I sign on to Gmail and look at my contact list for people to gchat with (it's not IM, it's gchat. Amazing job, Google branding team!), there's one name at the bottom that always pulls my heart strings: Rosc W. There's a little grey 'x' by his name, but then again, since I'm invisible, there's always an 'x' next to mine, too. Even though the last time we gchatted was more than a year ago, Gmail's memory, scary-elephantine in its capacity, remembers that R and I chatted. Even though it's irrational, I like to think that Gmail knows how important R was to me, and that's why he is always on my gchat short list. Always there, at the bottom.

I think it's R's little private joke on the big corporation; like he went in the back way and permanently programmed gchat to always include him on my list, thereby reminding me via google that he'll always be there for me, just a memory (or soul [g]chat) away.

Way I Am

by: Ingrid Michaelson. Listen Here.  (But don't watch the movie.)

Real Words                                                                    My Words
If you were falling, then I would catch you                 If you were falling, then I would catch you 
                                                                                         with open arms


You need a light, I'd find a match.                                 You need a light, I'd find a match
                                                                                            (or flashlight) 


Cause I love the way you say good morning.                  Cause I love the way you say good morning.


And you take me the way I am.                                       And you take me the way I am.


If you are chilly, here take my sweater.                           If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
                                                                                            sorry it's so small
 
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.                           Your feet are aching, I'll rub them better


Cause I love the way you call me baby.                            Cause I love the way you call me baby


And you take me the way I am.                                           And you love me the way I am.


                                                                                     
I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.    I'd do the laundry so you have clean  underwear 
                         
Sew on patches to all you tear.                                                  Match your work socks to show I care


                                                                              
Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.                  Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.


And you take me the way I am.                                                  And you take me the way I am.


You take me the way I am.                                                         You accept me as I am.


You take me the way I am.                                                          You take me the way I am.

Fed Up**

I'm fed up with you.
I'm fed up with you.
I'm not fed down, fed around, fed under
Not fed in, fed out, just about fed over
You starved love 'anywhere a cat can go'
All that's left is up so that's where I'll aim for
Got no emotion left to give to you
I'm just fed up. We're through.

You treat me like I'm nothin' when you know full well I'm not.
Don't even have the grace to give me notice of your thought
That maybe we're not good as two and single is your pref
I'm shouting via text to you and you pretend you're deaf 

That's why:

I'm fed up with you.
I'm fed up with you

I'm not fed down, fed around, fed under
Not fed in, fed out, just about fed over
You starved love 'anywhere a cat can go'
All that's left is up so that's where I'll aim for
Got no emotion left to give to you
I'm just fed up. We're through.

You never call me when you say you will and that's not cool 
Then give me lame excuses like you think that I'm a fool
I tried to make excuses and I told myself 'it's fine'
I truly can't believe I ever wanted you as mine.

I passed initial numbness and moved on to Angry Girl
I'm out of softish objects that it's safe for me to hurl
I skipped right past resigned and now I'm at this new heart stage:
'The lameness that you are should incite a public outrage.'

And so:

I'm fed up with you.
I'm fed up with you
I'm not fed down, fed around, fed under
Not fed in, fed out, just about fed over
You starved love 'anywhere a cat can go'
All that's left is up so that's where I'll aim for
Got no emotion left to give to you
I'm just fed up. We're through.




**All characters in this work of fiction are purely fictional. Any references to real people, events, or places is incidental and should not be construed as anything else. Meaning, I did not write this about me. Or about you. It's what my mom would call a high school poem.

all in a word

Sometimes, as I've discussed previously, one word can bring an overwhelming image to your mind. Sometimes it's simple, like "sun" or "square" or "blue." Other times it's more complex, taking more words to bring any image at all.

One such word - the kind that requires no explanation: unrequited.

I can't decide if I'm really glad that there's one word that describes so utterly perfectly the stress, angst, sorrow, despair, and loneliness of the condition of being on the giving side; OR if I just want to cry because the need for the word exists at all. (How depressing, to have "unrequited" as a label for your affection!)

Unrequited, you're a slave driver of the giver of affection and the bane of the recipient of your minion's labor. You choose to exert no control and continue to attract participants like moths to a flame. Unrequited, you're no fun for either person. You should always be the first to leave a party, with dignity and poise, but instead you're last. You're clingy and maybe even a bit stalkerish. No good.

Wish I could find a requited partner for you - so you could fit together like puzzle piece sentinels of love. Then maybe instead of 'unrequited' you could be relabeled "happily-ever-after."

Cats

Hekter T. Phoodle
(or, a Cat Resume)

Employment:
Laze-About, Principal Director: birth-present. Job duties include yawning, stretching, occasionally purring, and generally burning minimal calories.
Picky-Picky Cat Food, Nose-Upturner: since memory began-present.
Hello, Kitty! (American Realist) Very Cute Kitten: Age 0-6 months.*

Special Skills:
1. Dandy Danderifier: I spread dander and make people sneeze just by living! This is awesome. You should think so, too.
2. Regeneration: Hair is my specialty. I can shed enough hair in 1 month to clog any vacuum cleaner. Twice.
3. Baleful Hiss: I practice at least 3x daily. Key is to follow the hissing action with:
4. Inscrutable Stare: No blinking. Ever.
5. Expert Shredder: Anything you don't want sliced to ribbons with my genuine, non-imitation, did I mention, not fake, claws. The sharper the better!
6. Meowing: Scorning the stage rendition of my species.
7. Rhyming:  Meow::cow, bow, row, dhow, frau, how, Mau, now, ow, pow(wow), sow, tau, vow, wow.
8. Look, Ma! Kitty Litter: Use kitty litter as directed. Most of the time. 
 9. Purring. Perhaps I should have mentioned this first. I have received 3 Inappropriate Length Purr Awards.
10. Hunting. Self-explanatory in urban or non-urban environments. No further explanation is given.



References:
1. Puss In Boots
2. Cat Lovers Anonymous (ask for V or K)
3. Fiendish Felines

here comes the rain again

falling on my head like a memory

We had a vacation of sorts: it was shorter than implied when I signed up for vacation days in June*, and longer than expected when the boss handed out updated scheduling info in mid-August. In summary, after three and a half weeks with nary a raindrop in the waking hours, here comes the rain again. It started yesterday and continued today and will probably continue until...well...June of 2012. Already I miss the sunshine.

In just a few weeks, the memory of sunshine and warmth will become a near figment of my imagination. I will wonder if natural vitamin D and UV ray gathering is something only in movies or in archaic books. So I will hold on tight to the memory of no down blanket on the bed and the option of wearing socks everywhere and being even approaching too warm with all my might in the hopes that it will carry me over to next 'summer.'

*Actually, I signed up as soon as daylight savings took effect in 2010, but I knew that was a little early to begin to hope, but I just had to do it.

taking care of business, and working overtime

Yesterday I went grocery shopping at 3:30 pm.

"Why aren't you at work?" you might have asked me if you saw me in the store.

The answer is that I went on an airplane ride, and as the day was mostly gone anyway when my flight got in, I decided to take a much-needed break.

As I was in the store, something weird happened to me: I started to dance. A little soft shuffle as I went past the eggs. A crossover step past the ice cream. I was humming. It was weird. Which prompted the thought: "What's going on here?"

The answer was simple. I had worked a shorter day than usual. I actually had *energy*. And because I was at the store at 3:30, and not at work, and I hadn't even taken the day off, it felt marvelous.

It might have been partly the novelty of it, or the fact that I was 'playing hooky'. (Though if my boss had been in the same situation I'm sure she would have done the same thing...it's just that I checked my blackberry a few times, and she might have looked at it all night.)


So I took the break where I could find one, and I enjoyed every last shuffle-step egg-walk frozen food groove second of it. 

Buckets

Bucket List for Portland

Restaurant                      Destination                          Tourist Activity
Screen Door  11/12                Crater Lake                        Powell's City of Books 10/10
Veritable Quandary 1/12         Newport 3/13                     Pittock Mansion 2/18/13
Marco's Cafe  2/13                 Lava Lakes                         OMSI 7/11/12
Andina 10/12                          Seaside                               Jet-boat on the Willamette 9/24/12
Fat City  10/1                         Multnomah Falls                 Saturday Market 9/12
El Toro                                   Hawthorne                          Portland Swifts
Mother's  11/12                      Dam                                    Portland Art Museum 1/4/13
Salt and Straw 6/13                Smith Rock 7/13                International Test Garden (Roses) 9/12
Jake's                                      Woodburn Outlet 9/12        Chinese Garden 2/13
Nel Centro                               Astoria                               Japanese Garden 10/11
                                                                                          Zoo
                                                                                          The Grotto
                                                                                          

                        





Bucket List for Seattle: (will be edited as needed)
Restaurant                      Around Town                                  Event or Day/Road Trip 
Anthony's 8/11                  Paddleboating on Greenlake 8/11       Gasworks Park     7/12
Molly Moon's 7/11           Golden Gardens  3/11                         Dan's Broiler 7/12          
Cafe Presse 9/11              Swimming in Greenlake                       Bremerton 3/12                                  Burgermaster 7/11            Hockey game                                     Vashon 8/11
Dan's Broiler 7/12            Uwajimaya (again) 2/13                     Clipper trip to Victoria
Jade Garden                      record at EMP                                   San Juan Islands 5/19/12
Etta's 3/11                         Elliott Bay Books 4/3/12                    Ellensburg Rodeo
Salumi 8/22/12                  Karaoke                                          King Tut Exhibit 8/23/12
Poppy 2/11                       Lake Chelan 3/11                             Puyallup Fair 9/11
Cafe Presse 9/11              All SPL locations                               Mariners game 6/12
Tin Table 4/3/12              Emerald Downs   7/14/12                   La  Conner 4/7/12
Molly Moon's 7/11           Fremont Troll   2/11                           Road trip to Whistler
Toulouse  1/21/11              Frye Museum  8/24/12                     Deception Pass 4/7/11
Mora's                              Space Needle 4/12                           Whale Watching Trip 5/19/12
10 Mercer                         Show at the Paramount                     Port Townsend 3/12
Five Spot 2/12                   Uncle Elizabeth's 3/31/11                 Olympic Peninsula (Port Angeles) 3/12                     Boeing Factory Tour                        Tulip Festival  4/7/11
Saltoro 10/11                     Seattle Jazz Vespers 10/11               Anacortes  4/7/11
Pink Door  4/6/12               Seattle Symphony                            Deception Pass 4/7/12  
13 Coins 4/27/12                Volunteer Park 7/12                        Gig Harbor 4/12
Serious Pie 7/10                  Smith Tower Chair 8/15/12             Bainbridge
Barking Frog                       Olym Sculpt Grdn 4/12                    Mt. Rainier Forest
                                            Bumbershoot                  
                                            Sounders game                            
                                            Dusty Strings    
                                          UW Arboretum 8/11 
                                                                                                 
                                           
                           

Items that caused me to make the Seattle list:
Pike Place Mkt * French Crepe Place * Wild Ginger * Lola's *  Dahlia Lounge * Green Leaf * Elephant & Castle * Snoqualmie Falls * Ballard Locks * SAM * Ipanema * Machiavelli * Argosy Cruise * Gorditos * Tilth * Tango *                          

San Francisco(ish) Bucket
Sausalito 5/6/12                               California Science Academy  12/11        SF Zoo
Union Square 12/4/11                      Ferry Building                                        Exploratorium
Golden Gate Bridge walk 5/6/12      SF Symphony 5/5/12                             Windiest Road 5/30/12
Lands End                                       Giants game   6/28/12                                Monterey Aquarium
Tcho Chocolate Tour
    

SF Items that caused me to make the SF iteration:
Amoeba  * whale-watching * Palace of Fine Arts * de Young * Legion of Honor * Napa * Pier 39 (don't forget elephant feet/ In n Out) * Ghirardelli Square * Alcatraz * Grace Church Cathedral * La Boulange * Stacks * Hayes Valley * Prospect


Bucket List for New York City
Guggenheim
Central Park
Metropolitan Museum of Art
Frick Collection
Statue of Liberty
Staten Island
Carnegie Deli
Museum of Natural History
Museum of Modern Art
Show on Broadway
Times Square


Bucket List for Chicago
Architecture Tour
Art Institute
Millennium Park
Wrigley Field
Museum of Science & Industry
Shedd Aquarium
Field Museum
Miracle Mile
Top of the Hancock Building


General Bucket List
Uffizi
British Museum
Michelangelo's David
Stonehenge
Brighton
Bath
Scottish moor

Bertie Bott's Every-Flavor Ice Cream (Alphabet, Alliteration Style)

acerbic avocado angle
bucolic butter bites
cosmic caramel crash
dervish dandelion dangle
elusive effusive eggplant
frenetic finicky feeding *this is what it started with. It kind of went on a tangent from there...*
green grape gusto
hibernating horseradish hop
iridescent irresponsible icing
jicama juxtaposed jam
killer karma kumquat
linger longer lychee
moonpie melon madness
nefarious niggling nerfherder
opulent organic orange
pandering praline prickle
quizzical quirk quart
ruby radiant radish
stuffed strawberry scone
triumphant twitch toffee
unexceptional uphill upside-down-pineapple
vulnerable venerable vanilla
winged watermelon whale
yummy yellow-yam
Xanadu xanthum x-ray
zealous zinnia zest

Still Life of Fruit

Or, Summer in America (minus melons and berries*)

Courtesy of local farms, California, Australia, and Chile. And Bangladesh (if you count the glass).

*chances are I would have these, too, if I was buying groceries for more than one person, and/or had a larger appetite.

blink of an eye

Life can change in the blink of an eye. Think about all the things that happen in a blink:
1. a sneeze
2. light from a lightswitch
3. a beesting
4. accidents
5. reading words on the page to find out you have a horrible disease
6. realizing you're in love
7. a perfect baseball pitch
8. popping a balloon
9. burns (not sun)
10. recognizing an attractive person
11. getting your contact lens out of place
12. firing a sapphire bullet
13. cutting yourself
14. smelling fresh air
15. smiles (except slow ones)
16. turning off rap music
17. clicking to buy a plane ticket somewhere (to the ones I love, most preferably)
18. changing the channel on the tv
19. opening a new firefox tab
20. seeing "you've got mail"

just to name a few.

Sometimes blinks seem to last a lifetime, like slow motion bad movies. Sometimes blinks zip by. Some blinks you'll remember for the rest of your life, and some of those, you might never fully recover from. 

Blink. 

Blinkety blinkety blink blinky blinkini blinkykink blinky blink.

Stuffy-stuff-stuff

1. The days wherein having a convertible in Seattle is a good idea are probably < 30 in any given year.
2. If you're going to wear socks with your sandals, make them gold toe socks.
3. Needing a light jacket in August is weird,
4. Crabs are wonderful and various. And there are a lot of them in the Sound, judging by a 1/2 mile walk along the beach yesterday. (Of course, all the ones we saw were dead, but still.)
5. Being a good communicator is really hard. Communicating with known entities can still be hard...people change, and so your communication style has to adapt or die. This might sound gross, but someday I hope to perfect the cockroach communication style - it can survive anything, even nuclear war.
6. Cream is amazing.
7. I now know where the phrase "losing weight" comes from.
8. Strong cores are preferable to weak ones.
9. Laughing makes every day better.
10. Music can really change your mood. I was really tense at work for the last few days...on Tuesday, I was on my way home and heard a version of this song. If I hadn't heard it, and found it on the net, and played it nearly continuously, I would probably have gone crazy somewhere around Friday at 3 pm and maybe considered finding one of the windows that have the little circles on them that indicate you can smash them outward. I didn't know that before...that even though it doesn't look like the windows open at all, the ones with the circles have "one time opening" capabilities.

R&R...or Railroad Crossings

I miss the sound the train made at night when I was sitting on Emmy's porch, or even my own, for that matter. The long lonely whistle somehow managed to always seem forlorn-sounding...it was always saying, "I'm sad, come back" and never "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm almost there, wait for me." There was always a sad ache in my heart and sometimes I got goosebumps even though it was warm outside.

But the sound still reminds me of home. Reminds me of warm summer twilights and violin lessons and trips to the city. Counting the cars with my sister on road trips. Drivers ed classes..."every 90 minutes, a train accident happens." Which is why I have one of these on my keychain.

But now the yellow, which, by the way, is public domain as the Feds own it, doesn't remind me of railroads and the dangers of failing to come to a halt when the clanging of the bells and the cherry cough drop semaphore warned me to.
Now, double R's remind me of:
RR: rest & recuperation
RR: for Rosc and Ridj: two men I love (though in very different ways) that I have grieved for losing them within the last year
RR: ready to rumble
RR: the noise that K-lo can't make with her tongue in Spanish, so she always looks for a synonym so she doesn't have to try. (Example: instead of carro, she says automobil)
RR: a good ranch name. It could be Double-R, Rocking Ridgepole, Rambling Ranchhouse, Ruminating Ram, Ridiculous Rhymes etc.

I'm at a railroad crossing in my life. The train is coming. Will I stop and wait and count the cars? Will I rush for the track and get held up and wait impatiently? Will I become the victim of a railroad crash because I tried to squeeze past? Will I squeeze past successfully and listen to the wail and say "can't catch me?" Time will only tell. Here's to hoping that RRs continue to mean good things in my life.

they don't make 'em like they used to

I am in a (re)structuring phase of my life. I'm trying to do little things, to help me on the margins, which will hopefully lead me to small happinesses, which will in turn hopefully lead to leaps of joy. (But I have to get in better shape first, or I might twist an ankle or pull a muscle in my wild abandon.)

Part of doing this is doing things to take care of myself. So I'm making some changes. I decided I was going to get a fresh start.

First step: Crosstrainers. I hate shoe shopping, mostly because my feet don't fit into any old shoe, so I don't even like to try. I'd like to think I have Cinderella's capability of capturing the interest of the prince, but sadly, the feet of one of her stepsisters. (Shh. Don't tell him yet.) So I thought to myself, "Self. This isn't so hard. You've worn this type of shoe for years. You saw some for sale just a couple months ago, but for whatever reason, you did not buy them. Buy them. The time is now. The bell tolls for thee, well-worn footwear!"

So I got online, to my favorite retailer. You all know what company I speak of. I look online. No footwear. None. I check other places. I even am thinking, "whatever, I will pay a ton of money plus obscene shipping and handling to get this problem taken care of. Nothing!!! So now I am like Shoeless Joe. Soon I will be limping about in the rain. I must fix this problem, but I must finish this list first.

Second step: Rainjacket. For where I live, I need the following: a. water-resistant and/or -proof; b. extended hood; c. knee-length; d. wind-resistant; and e. (for me) under $150. I would say $100, but read on. I go online to what used to be my second-favorite clothes retailer, but is steadily gaining on the #1 spot. It has 2 L's in it. I search for 3/4 length jacket. Five choices come up. None of them looks like the old coat I have. I call the customer help line. No, they don't make them anymore, and yes, now they all are ugly and $150. I am desperate. My rainjacket doesn't keep out the rain anymore. But I'm not desperate enough to buy one in pink. The lady says they have my size in Very Berry. I say I think I'll try the size bigger in Bright Elm. She says there aren't enough left to have them on the website, even, so I jump at the chance. Big mistake. Literally. The reviews say the coat runs big. Gah.

Third step: Replace loved sandals. I have these sandals that I love to wear. They're the first pair I've ever worn and liked that had something between my toes. Do they sell them anymore? No. Did I buy the first pair online? Yes. Do you sense a pattern here?!?!?!? I'm telling you, people, if you shop online and find something you like, buy a zillion of it and store them in the back of the closet or even under the sink if you have to, or you might end up like me. But it gets worse!

Third Step: Replace Slippers. Not any slippers. Wicked good ones. Only they don't make 'em like they used to. Who wants backless slippers?!?!??!!? Mine have a hole in them after constant wearing in the cold NW winter. Six months ago they didn't have the style I wanted, looks-wise...now they have an approximation, but there's just enough of a back to be annoying, and not enough to actually keep my Achilles warm. Yes, my Achilles gets cold. Doesn't yours? So now I have to buy UGLY ones for $60, or have my feet perish in the cold and dreary winter. I need black. And white. And comfort. And none can be found at reasonable inconvenience.

Fourth Step Comfort jacket. I've got this seersucker jacket  that I wear everywhere. It's lemon yellow. I don't like lemon yellow. But it keeps me warm when I'm cold, and cool when it's hot, and so I wear it everywhere. I tried to see if they still made them, even when my mom told me she hadn't seen them in awhile. Do they make even an approximation? No.

Fifth Step: Suitcoat Jacket. I have two black ones. I lost weight so I thought I'd get another one. Do they have it? Nein. It's not even a sizing issue, it's just that they don't make them anymore.

Sixth Step:  Yoga pants. I have these black pants I wear a lot. I got them when I was 16. Feel free to cringe. But they are soft and lovely and don't have holes yet so I still wear them in public. Do they make pants like this anymore? No. It's all weird modal waists and 100% polyester or super skintight.

Seventh Step: Bookcase. I broke a commandment for years. I coveted a dark cherry bookcase that my mom bought, and then she gave it to my sister, and I always wanted it. It got left in Chicago. I'm looking online now, as I need some bookcases, and I realize that with inflation prices have gone up, but they just don't make them anymore!

Etc. Same with furniture like the stuff my parents have - they've had the same kitchen table since I can remember. I wanted to buy one like it for my house, when I have a house. But the company went out of business. My grandparents have some of the same kind, and they're about 40 years old. They're still comfy.

Why don't they make 'em like they used to???????

Result: Frustration!

I'll let you know if I find any replacements for the things I need for the things I love.

Emotional Elevator Analysis

This is my elevator analysis of how emotions can sometimes go, instead of numbers/trends, like at work.
Using work (or not) terminology:
Black = banker terminology (acceptable)
Blue = words I would use, but would get me a raised eyebrow for banker appropriateness
Red = words have zero place being in an underwriting

                                                       peak
                                                  float   descend                                                      skyrocket
         hill                            incline          slant                                                         /         flail     trend...end
     up      dip                rise                   dwindle              minimal/stable            /                creep
climb         flop        increase                  shin splints   slope                    \         /                
                      decrease                                     plunge                             plummet

Birthday

Yesterday, I thought of you all day, R. About your many good traits - the habits/processes I observed in you that I want to emulate; I also thought of your cheerful smile, your way with words, your love of buttery sweet goodness, and fresh fruit shakes.

I've decided that I don't like summertime heat because the last time it was hot, you were here, but so so sick, in the sterile-yet-seemingly-dirty hospital. The heat now reminds me that you are here no longer.

My heart and soul remember you. I know you are at peace, and that you stop by once in awhile to see how I am. I appreciate it, as I appreciated all the small (and big) things you did for me while you were here.

Happy would-be 29th, R.

Whirly Word Love

Here are the first letters in the first name of every person in my immediate family:
D S N T W A J R L D V K I

We love words. We heart them muchly. We syntax, debate, spell, and rearrange.

I downloaded an app on my ipod called "whirly word." It's kind of a stupid app but it can distract me while I'm waiting at the doctor's office for a few minutes, or waiting for a haircut, or waiting in the airport, etc.
The app gives you six letters in a wheel and you have to find all the word combinations that can be made from those six letters.

The rules are as follows:
1. The word has to have at least three letters;
2. Each letter given can only be used once per word;
3. No proper nouns; and
4. (I added this) No plurals.

In honor of the love I have for my family, here are the words made up of the first letter of the first name of the first circle of my family.

There are, of course, probably many many more words than these. Feel free to comment and notify me of ones I missed. Even if it doesn't mean love to you like it does to me, at least we share a love of words.

A D/D I J K L N R S T V W add dad ink jail kid lad nadir rad sad tad van was aid darn ilk jar kin laid nail raid said tail vast win ail dart irk jaw kind land nil rail sail talk vat wilt ant    dawn jilt kit lank nit ran sand tan vial wit arid dial kilt law rand sank tar viral wad aril did kiln lawn rank sat task vista wand art din lid rat saw tin vital wail avid drink link raw silk twin want list rid silt tidal wrist rind sin wink rink sink war sit ward slat wart slid wan slink wind slit star stink stir swan

Pomegranate Love

(Sung to the tune of "My love is like a red, red rose")

My love is a large pomegrante, plucked fresh from the tree
My love contains an aril sweet, tart juices bursting free
Though you must dig to find the fruit, and pay old Hades' fee
My love will stain your stubborn heart, and you will ne'er be free

My love's sequestered deep inside, a gem inside a mine
My love's a tough extraction job, it's delicate and fine
Can't push too much or pull too hard, or else the ruby breaks
And leaves its bright red tears behind, hearts' ransom it forsakes.

But if you find the precious fruit, and nourish it with love
The seed that's planted will grow strong, as if blessed from above
And it will bear a love so rare; one money cannot buy:
A tender heart, sincere soft words, a lovelight in the eye.

headache

Headaches are caused by:
1. Not enough water
2. Music that's too loud
3. Grinding your teeth
4. High pitched whining noises
5. Hitting your head on something
6. Lack of sleep or food
7. Staring at a computer screen for too long

Some days, I get exposed to six out of seven and manage not to get a headache. Not too bad.
Some days, one hit from the list is all it takes.

Headaches are different than brain aches. Brain aches are when you use your head a lot at work and are mentally tired out. The cure for brain ache is to (when time permits) go home and rest your noodle.

Headaches are cured by (not in any particular order):
1. Magic blue pills, also known as painkillers, can't remember the name right now (because I have a headache)
2. Sleep
3. Drinking water
4. Going for a walk
5. Concentrating on something else besides the pain...sometimes known as deep breathing exercises

Now for the obligatory cheesy poem about today:
Head ache, go away. Don't come back another day.
Sunshine, here to stay. Summer's here, it's one fine day.

I Have Decided: Part I

1. Geraniums smell awful.
2. It takes some serious lack of sense to  anticipate the light by shoving your board across the road. It takes serious skill and command of your 'board to glide down an 8% grade hill in rush hour traffic. It takes some serious luck to not get hit doing either.
3. High-pitched noises are almost never a good omen.
4. I have a weakness for games involving fish tanks. Perhaps it's some vestige of a psychological phenomenon from my childhood - or perhaps it's just that I can have fish without having to actually clean the smelly, dirty tank.
5. I like to watch crowds, but not be part of them...at least, not on foot. Perhaps if they parted like the Red Sea whenever I wished to go someplace I would like it better. I like crowds at baseball games. But not if it's just milling about and people are pressed up against me because there's no room to walk.
6. Getting upgraded to a suite at a 4 star hotel is decidedly awesome.
7. Sitting next to people on airplanes who are a. taking up more than their fair seat room; b. drink coffee; c. smell strongly; or d. all of the above is not my favorite thing to do.
8. I still don't like the TSA.
9. Lady GaGa could really use some more variety in what passes as 'music.'
10. Sometimes, the view is worth the climb.

Clammy

near sweat, close to cold
partially warm, not dry or wet
uncomfy limbo


a state of being
associated with nerves,
handholds, and fever

Echoes

A Poem for Two Voices


Give up                                   Give up
says the hammer of stress
beating a tattoo of drudgery
on your dreams                       on your dreams

Give up                                   Give up
                                                sing the fog horns
in forlorn low tones
letting the light of hope fade
to a glimmer
                                                shimmer
mirage
                                                in the distance

All right                                  All right
says your heart
                                                countering with its lonely tattoo
a solitary thump without echo
                                                ...... echo?
What?                                     What?
 Stop.
                                                Did you hear?                                        
A voice
                                                Small and soft
In the background
                                                Nervous at first, then growing stubborn and
Strong                                     Strong, calling out
In a loud, singing echo:
I won't
                                                I won't
I can't
                                                I can't
think that working
                                                and toiling
and fearing
                                                is the whole story

I'll hope  a new sun                 I'll hope
                                                a new moon
 a new faith
                                                a new song
is just beyond my
Reach                                      Reach

                       

Playoff Time

R,
It's playoff time...my first playoff season without you.
I thought about you all day yesterday...

• the blueberry shakes we used to make together
• the Pens games we got excited about
• the SSMB (brawl) games you always dominated
• yes, even as Yoshi
• reading aloud to you
• singing old timey songs on the projector (but never country)
• listening to Linger
• chattering away to your listening ear
• watching J kiss your smiling face

You're exceptional in so many ways, I can't even count them. And I can count pretty high, because of the stacks of beans I count all day. Seems like there is no problem you couldn't solve, except the problem of cancer. And you gave the crab a pretty good run for its money. Quietly impressive, is how I would describe you. No flash, no bling, just steady as a rock.

Love you, miss you. 

Recipe

How to Bake a Breakup:

Ingredients:
Broken heart
Numb brain
Water

Prep Time: Depends on the maker, and the relationship

Steps:
1.  Break heart into little pieces. Place in medium sized mixing bowl.
      Be numb from shock.
2. Add water.
   Cry your eyes out.
3. Mix heart and water together. 
     After you've wrung every tear out of you,  go to sleep exhausted.
4. Chill overnight. Re-read recipe.
    Be confused. Ask yourself why you broke up. Is it a horrible nightmare you can't wake up from? (Is it just that you forgot the salt, and that's why it tastes so nearly inedible?)
5.  Realize you mixed the heart and water in wrong proportions.
    Be despondent. Wail in frustration. Tell yourself you'll never find another who takes care of you so well, or that there was someone better for you anyway. Add a sniff and foot stamp and if you are really feeling adventurous, add a few ounces of self-pity.
6. Turn on the oven to "bake" and the proper setting. (It won't be 350 degrees for every person). As the oven preheats, stew and plan and reanalyze every little thing you each said in the last few days before the breakup.
7. Re-read the recipe. Repeat steps 2-6 over and over, to varying degrees.

When you have the mixture just about right, dump the heart and water mixture into a casserole dish and bake until hardened. Bake times very depending on how finicky the oven is and if you like it chewy or hard.

Note: Best served room temperature. Please limit servings. And serving size....

when in need of a laugh

For some reason, I find this link extremely funny: http://dagobah.net/flash/fanten.swf

That is all.

(I feel certain no animals were harmed in the making of this film.)

Maybe I posted it already, but if I did...it still makes me smile.

departmenting licenses

Today I was watching Bones, organizing my bills and sorting through my (mostly) junk mail. I was congratulating myself on being productive while entertaining myself, when I came upon my car registration renewal paperwork (sadly, not junk). I put it in my "I will deal with this when I am done with the junk mail pile", but as my hand was moving back to the stack in front of me, I realized that I was proverbially dead meat, and my heart started beating a little bit faster.

On Ides of April, aka Tax Day, I went to get my license to drive renewed. The DOL (not labor, but licensing) mailed my license to me. I put it in my Very Important Paper pile (not to be confused with the "I will deal with this when I am done with the junk mail pile" - not only because one involves capitalization for emphasis and the other quotation marks, but also because, erm...not only always goes with but also grammatically, so I had to stick one in).

*cough*

Then Certain Events happened and my mind got scrambled. I knew exactly where it was as of Sunday afternoon, but now I have no recollection of where my new license is. It's not in either stack of papers - quotations or capitalizations. It's not even in junk mail. It's not with the stack of languishing Christian Science Monitors, nor is it in the newly filed non-junk, but bills pile. It's not where it was on Sunday, and it's not in the garbage, it's not the recyclables. It's not in the couch, it's not on the kitchen counter, it's not in the bed, and it's not in the closet.

My mind can't relax because I can see the license clearly in my mind's eye, exactly where it was on Sunday. I moved it to make room for food (I am now cursing the food in retrospect out of immature spite) and I have no idea where I put it.

My temporary license expires soon. I really don't want to go pay the $45 again, and stand in line again, and hold up my car registration to boot. My apartment just isn't that big. Where could it be?!?!

I am entering the department of crazy, all over this silly license business.

And perhaps the saddest thing about this is that the episode of Bones was to introduce (perhaps) a spinoff show, where there's this guy whose name is Walter, who has the talent of being a "finder." Seriously. You name it, he finds it, no matter if it seems impossible. It's due to some weird brain thing he sustained while he was a POW in Iraq. But anyway...I was thinking, if he came up to me right now and asked me what he could find for me, I'd tell him nothing, because I haven't lost anything. And then I realized a few minutes later that I was missing my license and I wanted to say "oh snap" but I didn't, and then I just rolled my eyes (this was pre-panic) and decided to add the copy of my 2009 tax return to the "needs finding" list. Unsurprisingly, I have found neither, and wish I had a Walter. 

Ridings

A ladybug rode on my light yellow seersucker jacket through the grocery store on Saturday. The two-spotted, still-brown-from-winter female was finicky; she did not buy anything, for she saw nothing she liked. (Though I could tell she was tempted by the fresh pineapple.)

She hung about, seeing the sights, keeping me company as I wandered, circling the store what seemed like five, or maybe twenty times. My thoughts and feet were not aligned, but she was patient, and walked with me: up one sleeve, across the shoulders, along the rim of my hood, perching on the far shoulder.

Perhaps she could sense my distress in the urban confusion of the market, and wanted to comfort me. Or perhaps she is a very smart girl, for she stayed with me until I emerged into the sunshine, and the comfort (safety) of a tree beckoned too beguilingly for her to resist.

Eternity

I'm having a hard day. I called my sister to talk to her about it - vent, really - and then her daughter asked for a turn to talk to Auntie. I always love talking to little kids, even if I don't always understand what they say.

I asked my niece what she did in school.

"I don't know." she said.

"You don't know?" I asked.

"No."

Silence.

I tried a new conversation tactic. "What did you have for dinner?"

"Rolls, potato chips, corn, and milk," came the prompt reply. (That seemed to work a little better.)

She proceeded to tell me about her new mice and their sleeping habits: "They stay awake all night, running on their wheel, and in the morning we can take them out and play with them. And when we get home from school, they are sleeping. That is how they are nocturnal."

"Do you know any other animals that are nocturnal?" I queried.
"Yes. Bats." Slight hesitation - I can tell she is considering how to break the news to me that she is bored of talking to me.

"I have to go now."

"Thanks for talking to me. I love you." I said, even though am not a fan of how "I love you" means signaling the end of conversations. (It was actually a conversation with her that made me recognize this particular verbal cue...but I haven't been able to kick the trend yet.)

I expected her to just say, "I have to go now. Byebye!"

But instead, she said, "I love you more than these two things. Haha. That's a joke. I don't even like these two things!" Which is totally typical of six year old humor, and I inwardly groaned and prepared to hang up, slightly dissatisfied with the conversation ending.

She wasn't done, though - for then she piped up into the phone, "I love you more than eternity!"

Thanks, K. For loving me into eternity. That makes my day a little bit better.

ISWAK

I've been watching an old drama. A Taiwanese drama.

Let me give some background:
I think perhaps Korean dramas started first. A friend of mine told me that her mom watched them when she was little, and laughed at me for watching dramas. Or, "doramas" - as that's how they usually end up sounding when spoken in English.

Korean dramas are long. They're usually 20-30, sometimes 40 episodes, each about an hour in length. They are the longest, in terms of season, of the three types (Japanese, Korean, Taiwanese). They usually have crazy music swelling in the middle - some of it quite good, some of it extremely cheesy - and there are is always...well...drama. And a bunch of weird side characters who are completely, and I mean, COMPLETELY, wacko. They're the "odd relative" stereotype. Every single one.  (I assume they are there for comic relief, but in my opinion, they always get too much screen time, which is why Korean is, generally, my least favorite of the three.) And then there is the evil girl, or guy, who seeks to sabotage everything. And the concerned parents, and the friend who encourages when one or the other party gets discouraged, and then there's the hero and the heroine, who after much trial and tribulation usually end up together, though it's very hard when your favorite actors were once the lead man and then got demoted to the one who gets shafted, or when the ones you didn't like get cast as the new love interest. Grr. There is more variety in Korean actors/actresses than in either of the other types. Meaning, the jobs get spread around more. Also, there are historical dramas, and love dramas, and crime dramas, etc. Historical dramas actually are a surprising chunk of them, more so than J or T. Korean dramas are also the least likely to have a second season.

Japanese dramas are short, usually no more than 14 episodes. They are the most direct in terms of storyline sticking to the main characters. Usually the group of friends surrounding the hero/heroine is really funny, but unfortunately there is almost always one really weird creepy person that has anime tendencies...like wearing very extreme clothing and stalking or skulking around, with very disturbing music and a scary tendency to look derangedly into the camera. Usually, the dramas I laugh the hardest at are Japanese. (Take a watch at Hana Yori Dango, or the one with Oguri Shun where he's a pole vault jumper.)

Taiwanese dramas are middling in length, and in tangents to the storyline, and on weird creepy people. Taiwanese dramas are usually 20 episodes in length. There are a few "golden children" in the Taiwanese acting world who always get the main parts. Not only do they get the main parts, they are also musical and are also models. I wonder how they get any sleep at night. Seriously. For example, Jiro Wang, who always gets the part of the losing point of the love triangle, is a model and also is part of a boy band, Fahrenheit. His voice is actually decent, but the problem is that two of the other three boys (I use the term loosely, some of them are in their early 30s now) have weak voices, but are also part of the media frenzy. My favorite Taiwanese actor of all time (mostly because of a weird experience I had) is like 30 something now but is still playing the role of college students. He was the main character in the biggest smash hit ever, Meteor Garden (which is the Taiwanese version of Hana Yori Dango) and, with the rest of the Flower Four, formed a band called F4, which was wildly popular. Of course they sang their own theme song for the second edition, and were so famous that the author of Boys over Flowers claimed F4 was a copyright issue so they changed the name of the band to JVKV, which is the first letter of the English name of each guy in order of age. Yes, I digress. Anyway, so he is a megamodel and definitely a media mogul. It's bad enough that whenever I go to the equivalent of Little Japan, which usually translates into all of Little Asia, I recognize almost all of the faces on the magazine covers--and they've been the same for years. There are a chosen few who star in almost every drama.

Of course, if a drama is successful, then the neighboring industry makes its own copy. Hana Yori Dango, for one. It Started With a Kiss, for another. Coffee Prince, for a 3rd. The high-jumper one, for a fourth. GAH. OVERLOAD!!!

Anyway. I'm watching ISWAK. Go ahead. Make fun of me. Be concerned for my mental well-being. But actually there are a few gems that are to be had - such as "aim for the person you want" and "spirit is everything" and "life is more interesting with some discomfort" and "it's hard to be perfect - to have the pressure of always having to be perfect, to never disappoint". Also, notes about never buying weird troll figurines and never buy a pink VW bus, and getting your house inspected before you move in, are also in there as well.

Giving up is just not part of the heroine's vocabulary, at least when the hero is concerned. But if every girl was like that...I don't know. Is unrequited love enough? Yes, it is a great angst simmerer, and when it does work out (as it almost always does in drama, though not so in real life), it seems on the surface that it's great...but if I were the unrequited, I, in my skeptic nature, might always wonder if the person just gave in if I pestered them enough. What if, unlike in drama, the hero never came around? Is watching from afar good enough? Or watching from not-so-far, if you are the "friend" who really is pining? How can you live your life in a one-sided way? How can you ever really get to know the person that you think you love if they don't really love you back? How can it just not be a sort of nice, sort of painful fantasy? Is there really love at the end of all the Disney movies, or is it just one person relenting and accepting the little pest that they actually kind of have gotten used to now?