cuddles

during cuddles:

me: what was your favorite part of the day?
LD: *points*
me: what?
LD: *rolls eyes* I'm pointing at her!!!
LD: Huge bear hug.
me: happy, happy, happiness inside

during cuddles:

me: i love you so much.
N3: I love you, too!
N3: We have the best ideas in this bed.
me: I know. We make a great team.
N3: Yes, we do! 
** a few minutes later **
me: It's time for me to go now.
N3: No!! I want you to stay and have a sleepover with me! 
N3: giant hug and squish


I made the boys rice bags so they can have something warm and cuddly to take to bed. I was careful to make them exactly the same size, and I let each boy pick his fabric. They were both so pleased! I had felt like I was slaving over them (even though they are very simple to make) because I was so exhausted. But I had made a promise that I would finish them by the end of the week (this was last week), and it was Saturday, so I was basically out of time. I pushed myself a bit, and was so glad when each of them stated more than once that they were so grateful for them and the bags were the "best gifts ever." One of those, "Yep, this is worth it" moments that are really tender mercies.

I love my boys. I love being a mom. It's the most difficult and most rewarding endeavor I have ever undertaken. Wish me luck!

gone fishin'

I went fishing for the second time in my life on Saturday. The first time, I was sixteen, and went with my good friend and her dad as part of the most activity-packed vacation I have ever been on. It was a lovely experience, and I'm glad they went to so much trouble to help me have a good time.

As an aside, I always wanted my grandpa to take me fishing when I was younger. I used to beg him, but for some reason, he never took me. Maybe it's because I talked to him so much that he thought I might disturb the fish...or him. Once I told my aunt about it and she said she thought maybe one of her girls ruined it because once they went fishing and then as soon as they got to the middle of the lake, my cousin decided she had to go to the bathroom, and so they had to go back in, and so maybe Grandpa never wanted to take anyone who couldn't pee over the side of the boat. I will never know, and it is just as well. Suffice it to say, I was quite excited to go fishing again!

Here is a picture of the pond where I went fishing. I know it looks like just a half-circle of water, but there is more water behind the little center island. Apparently there is a beaver slightly upstream that is having a field day, and so the fish are very hungry, and there are lots of them.

We went out in a little six or eight foot pontoon boat. (Yes. Fishing in a boat.) N3 caught a fish, and he and my husband came cruising into port and dashed up the yard, fish held in hand, to show me and LD. It was a tiny trout, about 8" long and 1" in diameter. We oohed and aahed and decided that we wanted to go fishing, too. So the poor fish had to wait while we pulled on our shoes, and then we trundled back to the boat and let the fishy go. (He had quite a bad shock, but ended up being well enough to swim away after a few seconds.) It was LD's turn to go fishing next. My HH hooked the worm, and on the first cast, my young sir had a fish in the boat! It was quite exciting. There was a lot of yelling and even some splashing. I wish I had a picture to show the happy look on his face. Later, he reported it was his favorite part of the (very full) day.

Then it was my turn. We ran out of worms, so I wasn't even going to get a turn, but when you get creative, sometimes opportunities knock. In this case, our opportunity was a baby slug (2") that had unwisely decided to get in the boat with us.  It met its demise as it became fish bait. (I had no idea if it would work at all. If I were a fish, I would TOTALLY rather eat a worm than a slug. Just in case you were wondering.) It turns out that if the fish are hungry enough, slugs DO work. HH cast for me, and I had the biggest fish of them all on the hook, and then in the boat, in just a couple of minutes! First cast! The fish was about a foot long and probably was 2" around. Basically, just big enough to actually keep (if I wanted to). HH said that his favorite part of the day was seeing the look on my face as the fish splashed into the boat (very splashily -- I need to work on my final reel technique, I suppose), and then again when I held him in the water and he very quickly (and with much more vigor than I anticipated) swam away. I was a little surprised, and my face showed it. I like to fully enjoy things, and try to look for fun in small experiences, and this definitely fit the bill. We all had such a good time in the boat (until it started raining, and we all got wet bums and had to come in because we weren't prepared for rain).

Looking forward to using the "gone fishin'" sign a few more times this summer!

give a little bit

I've been sick the last while. Basically, it seems like we got home from the honeymoon and I've not been quite myself since. It's a little frustrating, but it has given my husband the chance to showcase his "taking care of me" abilities -- and he has shone brighter than any star that he is great at it.

He has had a few things, too -- he hurt his foot, and also one of the kids accidentally bonked him pretty good. But instead of complaining about it a lot, like I would (and like I do, when bad things happen - :/ ) he just gives a little bit more. He pushes himself to take care of me and do things for our family...and by doing so, I want to push myself harder to be kind, to look for opportunities, to be more aware of the needs of the kids and of his needs, and to even be more aware of my own needs and how I can meet them more efficiently so I can give just a little bit back.

Supertramp had it right:

There's so much that we need to share
Send a smile and show you care

Give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
I'll give a little bit of my life for you
Now's the time that we need to share
So find yourself [we're on our way back home.]

Sometimes sharing lets us find ourselves - the small nuggets of clarity or flashes of insight that we wouldn't get if we weren't thinking about meeting someone else's needs. Sometimes, a smile can go a long way to helping yourself, or the people around you, feel better. With a new marriage, new house, new working situation, and new responsibilities (including parenting two children), it's hard to feel like there is even just one more little bit at all left to give. But in giving all the rest, you get so many smiles and hugs and cuddles and love and finding yourself.

Giving is great. I'm going to go give my husband a hug. 

flowers and boys

So, before I write this post, I have some pertinent information: as of April, I have two sons. Technically, they are my "stepsons," but I don't like the distinction - I think it's lame and potentially very hurtful, particularly in the situation I am in. I am their parent, so I call them my sons, and leave out the "step."

The older one is responsive, such a good dancer, a great hugger, loves to make people laugh, and loves quality time. He is laid back (in many ways), very emotional, and does not like a surfeit of corny jokes (particularly about corn) . He can be very in tune with the emotions of other people, and worries a lot about hurting their feelings. He is very sensitive and loving -- he has what my mom would call a "tender heart."

The younger one jumps on people in excitement, is nearly professional "meow"-er, and loves to hug and be hugged. He is very direct and is, in some ways, like his brother in that he is more emotionally intelligent than many adults I know -- but how they act on their intelligence is completely different.

They are both so affectionate -- I love getting hugs from each of them. Nighttime snuggles are also really hard to beat. We have such a good time, Dad always has to come and separate us. (Oops.)

______________________________
 
Every day this week, my younger son has picked a yellow flower for me. When it is time to get the mail, he hops out of the car (even if it's not his turn to get it) and bends down and picks a flower for me. He likes to put it in my hair, behind my ear. I wear them there until they fall out or until his dad gently disentangles the wilted (often mutilated) petals from my tresses. My son never tires of it. He told me he would pick me a flower every day until there were no more flowers. He also picks flowers for me when we go to the park -- white flowers that look like mini-daisies are his favorite. (Mine, too.) Yellow is his favorite color.

I like yellow a lot better than I used to. His sunny face and the love in his eyes do a lot for me on days when I'm having a hard time. Sometimes his grumpy face can do a lot for me (the other way), too, but overall, we are really enjoying each other.

It has occurred to me that, because of what I know of him and his dad, flowers are really not just for girls. Flowers are also for boys. And they should get flowers sometimes, too -- and not just to give them to girls later!

My older son has such a way of smiling -- when he is happy, he can light up an entire room. His hugs are so sweet and loving, and I love watching him play outside. He almost always has a stick in his hand and is thrusting and parrying with some unseen foe (or perhaps it is a friend). He has a great way of defusing intense situations, and deflecting attention away from negative things.

I love my boys. I love the flowers in my hair. I love the hugs.