It's summer in the PNW. It's my favorite time of year, because although it's sunny, it's not too hot, and it rains just often enough to keep things green (in a good year).
Sometimes the rain feels like a blessed break from all the sunshine and I relish watching the fat drops falling in sheets on the surface of the pond and feel satisfaction and peace in life.
Today is not one of those days.
Today, the rain matches the mood in the house: the realization that summer, while not over, is definitely on the way out; the reconciliation of having to go back to school and all the feelings that go with it; the disappointment that responsibility never really goes away; the overwhelming urge to shout "IT IS TOO MUCH!" from the rooftops because there is no possible way to get everything done that needs to be done in this day completed...need I go on? I know you have had days like this, too - enough of them to feel sympathy.
Tomorrow, the whether/weatherman says it will be hot again. I am hoping for less rainy feelings and that the warmth of peace becomes the weather reality in our home.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Post about a Baby
I did an amazing thing: I grew a human inside of me and managed to get it out, with the help of HH and some midwives.
Every time I see a pregnant lady, I look at all the other people around her and I think: "You are all here because you each had a woman in your life who loved you enough to carry you and go through the pain of getting you here. You should honor each woman who makes the same choice your mother made." I can't understand women who think they're fat when they're pregnant. You may be gaining weight, but it's all related to growing your baby. Why be ashamed of it? Your body is doing an amazing thing - don't shame it! I never felt as confident in my body and what it could do as when I was pregnant. I wish all women would try to see their bodies that way while they're carrying littles inside of them.
It seems odd that as soon as babies come, people forget about the interval of time of pregnancy. I assure you, when you're dreaming of a full night of sleep again, you don't forget about pregnancy, which probably seemed blissful in comparison to the zombie-like state new moms all subscribe (succumb?) to.
My mom says having a baby is like having the Midas touch. You have all the baby gold of the little coos and gurgles, but you're also responsible for the following "ofs" for your baby: sleeping, eating, bouncing, jollying, singing, and the eating for that baby.
(It also seems to me like having the Milky Way touch. Everything is all milk, all the time: whether you have it, whether you don't; is it time to feed, or is it not; is it time to change a diaper because of all the milk ingested, or is it stinky wind; where in the world did that spot on my clothes come from? oh shoot, I forgot to load the bottle paraphernalia for pumping... the list goes on and on, and IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF MILK!)
And the milk is all because of the baby. And we are so glad we have our baby now. Such joy and wonder and face hurting continuously from so many smiles have never been seen at our house before.
Every time I see a pregnant lady, I look at all the other people around her and I think: "You are all here because you each had a woman in your life who loved you enough to carry you and go through the pain of getting you here. You should honor each woman who makes the same choice your mother made." I can't understand women who think they're fat when they're pregnant. You may be gaining weight, but it's all related to growing your baby. Why be ashamed of it? Your body is doing an amazing thing - don't shame it! I never felt as confident in my body and what it could do as when I was pregnant. I wish all women would try to see their bodies that way while they're carrying littles inside of them.
It seems odd that as soon as babies come, people forget about the interval of time of pregnancy. I assure you, when you're dreaming of a full night of sleep again, you don't forget about pregnancy, which probably seemed blissful in comparison to the zombie-like state new moms all subscribe (succumb?) to.
My mom says having a baby is like having the Midas touch. You have all the baby gold of the little coos and gurgles, but you're also responsible for the following "ofs" for your baby: sleeping, eating, bouncing, jollying, singing, and the eating for that baby.
(It also seems to me like having the Milky Way touch. Everything is all milk, all the time: whether you have it, whether you don't; is it time to feed, or is it not; is it time to change a diaper because of all the milk ingested, or is it stinky wind; where in the world did that spot on my clothes come from? oh shoot, I forgot to load the bottle paraphernalia for pumping... the list goes on and on, and IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF MILK!)
And the milk is all because of the baby. And we are so glad we have our baby now. Such joy and wonder and face hurting continuously from so many smiles have never been seen at our house before.
Monday, September 24, 2018
over
overwhelmed
over tired...or is that overt ired?
overcrowded
overambitious
overarranged
overcome
overexerted
overdemanding
overworked
worked over
overdone
Done. Over!
_____________________
oh, life.
Would you rather be overambitious or have your ambitions be over?
Sunday, June 24, 2018
Garden
On Saturday I went to an amazing garden store. They give you a map—it’s that awesome. There are water features and an entire section dedicated to Japanese maples. I think they sell upwards of 50 varieties. I was there for two hours and didn’t even see all of it. It’s all the best things about a garden but you can look for free and buy what you want to take home with you—that exact plant, in its current condition.
We bought some raspberries (several varieties) and some grapes, and some starts, because we have not been able to start our garden properly due to the move, which is still ongoing and is beginning to feel draggy and pesky and somewhat awful. It’s my least favorite part: 90% completion. Just enough to tempt you that it’s over, but the dirty work of cleaning and patching are still not done.
Maybe next year we will get some kiwi. We have four blueberry bushes, three strawberry pots, and we even have some wild huckleberries in the yard. I now am the proud owner of a cold hardy pomegranate tree, a dwarf Meyer lemon tree, an avocado tree, and a banana palm. (Dwarf cavendish.) If I could, I would have a grapefruit tree and an orange tree. Last priority is a lime tree. I do not know if we will get pears, but we got two apples and a nectarine. We want a good variety. We want all sorts of tasty foods. We want the kids to know what it is like to plant, watch, harvest, process and eat their own food.
We put up a little fence to keep the bunnies out of the garden, which has rich dark brown soil that has been fortified over years and was not bad to start with. This year we will have broccoli, beets, onions, red and green cabbage, several types of lettuce, and some kale. We will also have acorn squash, Hubbard squash, zucchini and a couple kinds of cucumbers.
I love gardening. I love how the plants respond to care. They grow up and curlicue here and there and produce the yummiest of things for you if you just show them a little love.
I think people are a lot like plants. They will do wonderful things—not just for you—if you show them love.
So let’s love the plants and the people—and maybe show people we love them by feeding them the plants we tended.
We bought some raspberries (several varieties) and some grapes, and some starts, because we have not been able to start our garden properly due to the move, which is still ongoing and is beginning to feel draggy and pesky and somewhat awful. It’s my least favorite part: 90% completion. Just enough to tempt you that it’s over, but the dirty work of cleaning and patching are still not done.
Maybe next year we will get some kiwi. We have four blueberry bushes, three strawberry pots, and we even have some wild huckleberries in the yard. I now am the proud owner of a cold hardy pomegranate tree, a dwarf Meyer lemon tree, an avocado tree, and a banana palm. (Dwarf cavendish.) If I could, I would have a grapefruit tree and an orange tree. Last priority is a lime tree. I do not know if we will get pears, but we got two apples and a nectarine. We want a good variety. We want all sorts of tasty foods. We want the kids to know what it is like to plant, watch, harvest, process and eat their own food.
We put up a little fence to keep the bunnies out of the garden, which has rich dark brown soil that has been fortified over years and was not bad to start with. This year we will have broccoli, beets, onions, red and green cabbage, several types of lettuce, and some kale. We will also have acorn squash, Hubbard squash, zucchini and a couple kinds of cucumbers.
I love gardening. I love how the plants respond to care. They grow up and curlicue here and there and produce the yummiest of things for you if you just show them a little love.
I think people are a lot like plants. They will do wonderful things—not just for you—if you show them love.
So let’s love the plants and the people—and maybe show people we love them by feeding them the plants we tended.
Nits
At work, when there are just a few grammatical or formatting errors in a document someone else has circulated for comment and review, it is common in my industry to say, “I have just a few nits for you.” What the person speaking usually means is, “I don’t want to embarrass you or take up meeting time with everyone here to point out small errors (some of which may be points of preference), but I will send them to you so you can look at the changes I suggested and incorporate them into the document.”
They do NOT mean that they have a few lice eggs to pass you.
Since I was recently the victim of a lice outbreak (yes, I felt victimized), I can promise you, I will never use the phrase, “I have just a few bits for you,” at work, and I will have to work hard to suppress a shudder anytime I am in an in-person meeting (I’ll feel free to shiver if I’m on a conference call) and someone utters those words.
I will also never think of the phrase “nit-pick” the same anymore, either.
As I was spending two hours (yes, that’s right) being professionally de-loused,, I learned a few things about lice. For those of you uninterested, skip this paragraph. But I think you will find it enlightening. They have six legs. Their eggs are called nits. They do not burrow, unlike bedbugs. They do not jump, unlike fleas. They are the second-most contagious thing in the US after the common cold. They can hold their breath for up to 8 hours, so merely washing everything will not be sufficient. Or you can freeze things like your hairbrush in a bag overnight...that will kill them. They WILL die if you get them hot enough, so scorching everything in the dryer will work. They reproduce in less than a week. Their bites only itch if you are allergic to them, so you might not know if you have them if you’re not allergic. They live mostly by the ears and at the crown of a person’s head. They are mostly transferred by people between 9-12 yrs of age, judging by the demographics the de-louser mentioned. They can travel eight inches per minute. They change from grey to rust colored when they’re full. It does not matter if your personal hygiene is perfect or you are a complete hygienic slob—lice are equal opportunists. They like O+ and A+ best; they will probably try to move to another person if you don’t have one of those two blood types. Lice cannot survive away from a head for more than 2-3 days. Nits can be confused with dandruff. And the grossest part is that if you have enough of them (yay for this not happening to me!) your hair can literally move with them as they crawl, so it looks like there is a fan on your head or special effects in your hair.
There’s something to be said for social grooming. Checking for lice is never a bad idea. I had never had them before and it was awful. I was emotionally traumatized. Thinking you have lice and knowing you have them are totally different things. I threw a fit and became an emotional crazy person when I found out. I was horrified. I felt unclean. There was nothing I could do. Why me? I didn’t deserve lice! That only happens to dirty people! Incidentally, N brought them to us and eventually HH got them, too. L was spared the indignity. He would have had to have been shaved bald—there’s no way he would have tolerated the treatment.
I hope none of you ever has occasion to be nit-picked. Every time my head itches, I’m still worried that she missed some and I will have to go through the trauma again. (No, I did not scorch my head with chemicals—I had the lice suffocated with silicon oil. I hear mayo and peanut butter work, too, but my hair has fully recovered and I am so happy about it.)
They do NOT mean that they have a few lice eggs to pass you.
Since I was recently the victim of a lice outbreak (yes, I felt victimized), I can promise you, I will never use the phrase, “I have just a few bits for you,” at work, and I will have to work hard to suppress a shudder anytime I am in an in-person meeting (I’ll feel free to shiver if I’m on a conference call) and someone utters those words.
I will also never think of the phrase “nit-pick” the same anymore, either.
As I was spending two hours (yes, that’s right) being professionally de-loused,, I learned a few things about lice. For those of you uninterested, skip this paragraph. But I think you will find it enlightening. They have six legs. Their eggs are called nits. They do not burrow, unlike bedbugs. They do not jump, unlike fleas. They are the second-most contagious thing in the US after the common cold. They can hold their breath for up to 8 hours, so merely washing everything will not be sufficient. Or you can freeze things like your hairbrush in a bag overnight...that will kill them. They WILL die if you get them hot enough, so scorching everything in the dryer will work. They reproduce in less than a week. Their bites only itch if you are allergic to them, so you might not know if you have them if you’re not allergic. They live mostly by the ears and at the crown of a person’s head. They are mostly transferred by people between 9-12 yrs of age, judging by the demographics the de-louser mentioned. They can travel eight inches per minute. They change from grey to rust colored when they’re full. It does not matter if your personal hygiene is perfect or you are a complete hygienic slob—lice are equal opportunists. They like O+ and A+ best; they will probably try to move to another person if you don’t have one of those two blood types. Lice cannot survive away from a head for more than 2-3 days. Nits can be confused with dandruff. And the grossest part is that if you have enough of them (yay for this not happening to me!) your hair can literally move with them as they crawl, so it looks like there is a fan on your head or special effects in your hair.
There’s something to be said for social grooming. Checking for lice is never a bad idea. I had never had them before and it was awful. I was emotionally traumatized. Thinking you have lice and knowing you have them are totally different things. I threw a fit and became an emotional crazy person when I found out. I was horrified. I felt unclean. There was nothing I could do. Why me? I didn’t deserve lice! That only happens to dirty people! Incidentally, N brought them to us and eventually HH got them, too. L was spared the indignity. He would have had to have been shaved bald—there’s no way he would have tolerated the treatment.
I hope none of you ever has occasion to be nit-picked. Every time my head itches, I’m still worried that she missed some and I will have to go through the trauma again. (No, I did not scorch my head with chemicals—I had the lice suffocated with silicon oil. I hear mayo and peanut butter work, too, but my hair has fully recovered and I am so happy about it.)
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Bears
Last night I went to spend some time at the new house. We took the kids and a friend and stayed over. It was super rainy. Sheets of rain fell across the surface of the pond.
I saw a heron, some other birds, and some squirrels.
I also saw something I did not expect to see: four small black bears. Tyler saw two and then called me over “to look at something.” I thought, “Deer?! Please no!” and came to look and stuck my head right by the window just as a motion sensor light came on. The bear’s head was less than a foot away from mine, separated by a pane of glass. It is hard to say which of us was more surprised. I kind of felt like Sal’s mother must have felt when she came upon the bear in the book. We stared at each other for a moment, too startled to move, and then he/she beat a hasty retreat.
It was smaller than I expected it to be—that is, shorter. I had forgotten how much mass bears have. Its front legs were so thick—as big as my thighs, at least. (Since I have Danish heritage, the circumference is not small.) The bear’s muzzle was longer than I thought it would be. I wondered if bears’ noses are like those of humans—always growing.
I have never seen a bear in its natural habitat before.
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Marching on
time goes by so quickly. The kids are literally growing up so fast:
This March, I marched myself to the huge book sale in downtown Seattle. I spent five hours going through literally thousands of books. I loved being in a place where so many book lovers were congregated. And it was nice to have some time to myself, as I don’t get a lot of that lately, and life has been feeling more like I am being mown over by a Sherman tank rather that like I am in the pilot seat enjoying any sort of scenery at all. I’d rather be crushed by a tank than dragged behind a horse. It’s over much more quickly.
I have been marching my way through the Great British Bake-Off and quite enjoying it. I like the ideas and it is the only reality tv show I have heard of or seen where the people are genuinely helpful and the producers don’t drum up the drama level to ridiculous proportions. These are mostly nice, regular people who just happen to have an enormous passion. It is inspiring! It makes me think of all the ways I would like to make things to show my family how much I love them. It also makes me wonder about cardamom. I’m not sure I would know it If I tasted it.
I also think kneading bread would be a good workout and help me get some frustration out, as well.
The days go marching by
Mostly in straggly, scraggly regiments.
Every once in awhile a brightly-colored dance troupe comes through
As a reminder that I can plan future chances
For big brass marching bands to come into my life:
But if I don’t plan them, they’ll march somewhere else.
I want a life with some eye-popping palette days
Some big brass band days
Some snuggle on the couch days
Some calm and rainy days
And lots of days of love.
This March, I marched myself to the huge book sale in downtown Seattle. I spent five hours going through literally thousands of books. I loved being in a place where so many book lovers were congregated. And it was nice to have some time to myself, as I don’t get a lot of that lately, and life has been feeling more like I am being mown over by a Sherman tank rather that like I am in the pilot seat enjoying any sort of scenery at all. I’d rather be crushed by a tank than dragged behind a horse. It’s over much more quickly.
I have been marching my way through the Great British Bake-Off and quite enjoying it. I like the ideas and it is the only reality tv show I have heard of or seen where the people are genuinely helpful and the producers don’t drum up the drama level to ridiculous proportions. These are mostly nice, regular people who just happen to have an enormous passion. It is inspiring! It makes me think of all the ways I would like to make things to show my family how much I love them. It also makes me wonder about cardamom. I’m not sure I would know it If I tasted it.
I also think kneading bread would be a good workout and help me get some frustration out, as well.
The days go marching by
Mostly in straggly, scraggly regiments.
Every once in awhile a brightly-colored dance troupe comes through
As a reminder that I can plan future chances
For big brass marching bands to come into my life:
But if I don’t plan them, they’ll march somewhere else.
I want a life with some eye-popping palette days
Some big brass band days
Some snuggle on the couch days
Some calm and rainy days
And lots of days of love.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
:)
No, not everything went well today (not even close) - but I am happy anyway.
Grateful for days such as these.
Grateful for days such as these.
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
snow
each snowflake is different
technically, they're all crystalized water
there are complex, symmetrical flakes
large, sloppy-wet flakes (if they were kisses, they would be from dogs)
some come at the earth hard and fast, practically pelting
others float lazily down, and seem not to have a care in the world.
they all look alike from afar
but each snowflake is unique
in shape and size and texture
and when layered, nestled, snuggled up together
they make a beautiful blanket to cover the world with
and light up the dark cold nights and bring a quiet peace to my backyard and soul.
This weekend it snowed--the earliest snow in my PNW memory. N3 wanted to put on Christmas music when he saw it. I am strictly a no Christmas music before Thanksgiving person normally, but I could not say no to a few songs. We walked in winter wonderland and made dreams by the fire. How nice, to have dreams. It is nice, too, when they come true.
technically, they're all crystalized water
there are complex, symmetrical flakes
large, sloppy-wet flakes (if they were kisses, they would be from dogs)
some come at the earth hard and fast, practically pelting
others float lazily down, and seem not to have a care in the world.
they all look alike from afar
but each snowflake is unique
in shape and size and texture
and when layered, nestled, snuggled up together
they make a beautiful blanket to cover the world with
and light up the dark cold nights and bring a quiet peace to my backyard and soul.
This weekend it snowed--the earliest snow in my PNW memory. N3 wanted to put on Christmas music when he saw it. I am strictly a no Christmas music before Thanksgiving person normally, but I could not say no to a few songs. We walked in winter wonderland and made dreams by the fire. How nice, to have dreams. It is nice, too, when they come true.
Thursday, October 5, 2017
random parenting
"Is this slide for public consumption?" Someone told me that L asked
that at a recent activity. All I can say is that I can tell my kid's
been hanging out with me too long. ;)
I went to a work conference. Everywhere I go, people are really supportive of me. Even at work functions, except for one glaring exception, people have been amazed that I would become a stepmom and they seem so impressed by it. The assistant state auditor even told me that he was really impressed, because he knows that "the second hardest job is being a parent. The hardest job ever is being a [good] step-parent." He said he knew, because he had done both. I have not done both, but I can tell you that being a step-parent (some days I am a better step-parent than others) is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life ... but in many ways, it is the most rewarding.
I have learned patience. I have learned to think of others ... always ... even when I don't want to ... even when I am exhausted ... even when [insert every possible thing you can think of here, and then add all the impossibles, and then you can put a period in].
I was recently talking to a friend of mine who has been single a long time. I feel I am no longer qualified to talk to single people about their problems, because now I'm a "married one" and I figure I will probably say all the stuff that used to annoy me when people said it to me. It occurred to me that while single people ostensibly have more time to themselves, they also do not have the support that comes from a good, steady, loving relationship. No wonder so many people Netflix binge! It's an interesting cycle - the more you Netflix, the less likely you are to be in a relationship worth having. But Netflix is such a nice escape from the loneliness - it's impossible not to indulge at least every once in awhile. It's an interesting conundrum.
The point of me telling you this is that she said several times how much she admired what I'm doing. I don't see it that I'm doing anything that great. I'm just living my life. Some days I'm pretty short with my kids. I always feel bad afterwards, but they know I love them and that I am just trying to help them get skills. I mostly ignore the comments like, "You don't care for me at all, do you?!?" random screaming, and general Overdone Mopey-ness. All my experience says that except for the first three months, which are numbing, the older the kids get, the harder it is to be a good parent. I know that the older my kids get and the more they change, the more creative I have to be with my coping mechanisms, my discipline, my expectations, and ways to control my temper.
I think I would be more impressed with me if I saw myself from the outside. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. :)
I went to a work conference. Everywhere I go, people are really supportive of me. Even at work functions, except for one glaring exception, people have been amazed that I would become a stepmom and they seem so impressed by it. The assistant state auditor even told me that he was really impressed, because he knows that "the second hardest job is being a parent. The hardest job ever is being a [good] step-parent." He said he knew, because he had done both. I have not done both, but I can tell you that being a step-parent (some days I am a better step-parent than others) is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life ... but in many ways, it is the most rewarding.
I have learned patience. I have learned to think of others ... always ... even when I don't want to ... even when I am exhausted ... even when [insert every possible thing you can think of here, and then add all the impossibles, and then you can put a period in].
I was recently talking to a friend of mine who has been single a long time. I feel I am no longer qualified to talk to single people about their problems, because now I'm a "married one" and I figure I will probably say all the stuff that used to annoy me when people said it to me. It occurred to me that while single people ostensibly have more time to themselves, they also do not have the support that comes from a good, steady, loving relationship. No wonder so many people Netflix binge! It's an interesting cycle - the more you Netflix, the less likely you are to be in a relationship worth having. But Netflix is such a nice escape from the loneliness - it's impossible not to indulge at least every once in awhile. It's an interesting conundrum.
The point of me telling you this is that she said several times how much she admired what I'm doing. I don't see it that I'm doing anything that great. I'm just living my life. Some days I'm pretty short with my kids. I always feel bad afterwards, but they know I love them and that I am just trying to help them get skills. I mostly ignore the comments like, "You don't care for me at all, do you?!?" random screaming, and general Overdone Mopey-ness. All my experience says that except for the first three months, which are numbing, the older the kids get, the harder it is to be a good parent. I know that the older my kids get and the more they change, the more creative I have to be with my coping mechanisms, my discipline, my expectations, and ways to control my temper.
I think I would be more impressed with me if I saw myself from the outside. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. :)
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
surged
About the time I got married, L came home one day and said, "My teacher's getting surged!" He meant that she was getting hip surgery. She was gone for a month. It was amazing how much better he got along with his substitute teacher than he did with his regular teacher. His behavior reports came back glowing each day.
Yesterday, I got surged. My gums were scary thin. You could see the little veins in them and the roots of my teeth were able to be seen through the gums. It was honestly a little gross. So I went to get it fixed. They used some of the tissue from my mouth for a couple of the spots, but the rest of it they got from donors. I have to eat soft food for a week, and talk minimally. No nuts or popcorn for at least a month. Even noodles are hard to swallow. I feel like I have to bolt things down. I have been mostly trying to stay with eggs as a protein source and focusing on keeping my sugar to a minimum. Turns out a lot of soft foods are sugary, even the fructose. Also, no straws.
It's amazing how much more smoothly surgery recovery goes when you do not get anesthesia. I was pleasantly surprised by how un-fuzzy my head was post-surgery.
I need to take it easy for awhile.
Upsides:
I was laying dead on the bed and we had family prayer. L said it. He said, "And please bless Mom, so that she can have no dreams. Or good dreams. But no nightmares, please. That will raise her heart rate, and we can't have that." (I need to keep my heart rate as low as possible and avoid talking for at least 3 days. You have no idea how hard that is for me.) I smiled. He sure loves me.
N3 was trying to convey his feelings to me, as well. He said, "You're my BFFAEAEAEA." I raised an eyebrow - no talking - and he said, "Best friend forever. And ever. And ever and ever and EVER!"
My kids warm my heart.
All the staff at the doctor's office exclaimed over how well HH was taking care of me, as well. It was like they had never seen a solicitous husband. Well, now they have. :) But he's mine!
Yesterday, I got surged. My gums were scary thin. You could see the little veins in them and the roots of my teeth were able to be seen through the gums. It was honestly a little gross. So I went to get it fixed. They used some of the tissue from my mouth for a couple of the spots, but the rest of it they got from donors. I have to eat soft food for a week, and talk minimally. No nuts or popcorn for at least a month. Even noodles are hard to swallow. I feel like I have to bolt things down. I have been mostly trying to stay with eggs as a protein source and focusing on keeping my sugar to a minimum. Turns out a lot of soft foods are sugary, even the fructose. Also, no straws.
It's amazing how much more smoothly surgery recovery goes when you do not get anesthesia. I was pleasantly surprised by how un-fuzzy my head was post-surgery.
I need to take it easy for awhile.
Upsides:
I was laying dead on the bed and we had family prayer. L said it. He said, "And please bless Mom, so that she can have no dreams. Or good dreams. But no nightmares, please. That will raise her heart rate, and we can't have that." (I need to keep my heart rate as low as possible and avoid talking for at least 3 days. You have no idea how hard that is for me.) I smiled. He sure loves me.
N3 was trying to convey his feelings to me, as well. He said, "You're my BFFAEAEAEA." I raised an eyebrow - no talking - and he said, "Best friend forever. And ever. And ever and ever and EVER!"
My kids warm my heart.
All the staff at the doctor's office exclaimed over how well HH was taking care of me, as well. It was like they had never seen a solicitous husband. Well, now they have. :) But he's mine!
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
eclipse and ash
A few weeks ago, what seemed like the entire United States was in a frenzy over an eclipse of totality that would be going across much of the nation. Many drove far and camped long and ran out of gas, etc. etc. to be able to experience it. Those who saw it said it was a life-changing experience -- mostly that it was gorgeous and awe-inspiring, unlike anything they had ever seen. I was surprised that so many of them reported not being able to control themselves during totality - screaming, running about, acting strangely, hugging random strangers...
Where I was, it was in excess of 80% totality. The light seemed "dirty," and I found I was somewhat unsettled in my spirit. It wasn't that I felt depressed, but there seemed to be a suppression of sorts of both my body and the earth's -- difficult to describe. I can only imagine how much more difficult to describe it would have been if I had actually seen totality. As it was, the temperature went down a few degrees, and there were crescent-shaped shadows on the pavement from the leaves.
The other thing people commented on after the eclipse was that everyone shared with everyone else. Many made a big deal about social walls coming down and equality for everyone, even if it was just for the space of a few minutes. People who had protective glasses were sharing freely with those who did not plan ahead. (I was the recipient of some of this generosity, as I definitely did not plan ahead.)
Fast forward: yesterday, I went out right after breakfast and the sun was a big ball of gleaming orange-red hanging low in the sky. Ash was "snowing" on my car. The air in the house seems close and hot. We dare not open the windows for prudence of black lung - many of us in the house have sensitive lungs, and we do not want to encourage any problems.
We're fairly close to some fires. It is sad how much is burning. It feels like the spirit of the earth is sick. I've never really felt like the earth had a spirit - more like my spirit interacted with the beautiful things in the earth. I guess I failed to recognize it's a two-way street. It's like the earth is sick and its internal defenses are down; no immune system is left. It's like it's throwing up - too much water in some parts of the world, and not enough in others. I miss the order of the days. I hardly know what season it is because the light is orange all day and the grass is the driest, brownest, most ugly thing I have ever seen. I didn't even stir one step outside today because I simply did not want to be inundated with the ick factor.
It has been too hot or too busy to go for a walk last week, and this week I was so looking forward to some rambles. It's really disappointing to have to stay inside when all I want to do is go outside and stretch my legs and my mind.
Here's to fewer fires, storms lessened, and to bright, normal sunshine. No more dirty light!
Where I was, it was in excess of 80% totality. The light seemed "dirty," and I found I was somewhat unsettled in my spirit. It wasn't that I felt depressed, but there seemed to be a suppression of sorts of both my body and the earth's -- difficult to describe. I can only imagine how much more difficult to describe it would have been if I had actually seen totality. As it was, the temperature went down a few degrees, and there were crescent-shaped shadows on the pavement from the leaves.
The other thing people commented on after the eclipse was that everyone shared with everyone else. Many made a big deal about social walls coming down and equality for everyone, even if it was just for the space of a few minutes. People who had protective glasses were sharing freely with those who did not plan ahead. (I was the recipient of some of this generosity, as I definitely did not plan ahead.)
Fast forward: yesterday, I went out right after breakfast and the sun was a big ball of gleaming orange-red hanging low in the sky. Ash was "snowing" on my car. The air in the house seems close and hot. We dare not open the windows for prudence of black lung - many of us in the house have sensitive lungs, and we do not want to encourage any problems.
We're fairly close to some fires. It is sad how much is burning. It feels like the spirit of the earth is sick. I've never really felt like the earth had a spirit - more like my spirit interacted with the beautiful things in the earth. I guess I failed to recognize it's a two-way street. It's like the earth is sick and its internal defenses are down; no immune system is left. It's like it's throwing up - too much water in some parts of the world, and not enough in others. I miss the order of the days. I hardly know what season it is because the light is orange all day and the grass is the driest, brownest, most ugly thing I have ever seen. I didn't even stir one step outside today because I simply did not want to be inundated with the ick factor.
It has been too hot or too busy to go for a walk last week, and this week I was so looking forward to some rambles. It's really disappointing to have to stay inside when all I want to do is go outside and stretch my legs and my mind.
Here's to fewer fires, storms lessened, and to bright, normal sunshine. No more dirty light!
Thursday, August 31, 2017
desert air at end of august
Recently, the call of the mother land was too strong to resist, so I heeded it. I had forgotten what the desert was like. Green grass in 100 degree heat. Crickets chirping. There's a certain smell, too. And the way the light hangs in the air over the island for so long it seems like true darkness will never fall, while the stars peek out, and it seems to balance for an eternity even though the earth keeps moving...it's like time grinds to a halt for just a few seconds. That's my favorite time of day. Where I live, we don't have those few fairy moments where you can go outside at/after dark and have it be almost magical. I so enjoy that twilight time.
The air has a different quality to it. There are only a few weeks of the year where everything comes together, but the last week of August is really a beautiful time.
I love the nectarines, peaches, and raspberries of late summer. I enjoy drying in less than ten minutes when you're wearing a swimming suit outside. I love picnics with my family at the park - and this one had an added bonus of bagpipe players practicing.
I'm rotten at road trips, and I struggle with the glare and parched skin. But I'm really glad I was able to go and show my boys more things to love about where I grew up. Grateful for all the hugs and talks I got. I love giggling with my sisters - one at a time, or all at once. Happy for the generosity of so many toward me. Feeling the love - especially for the last week of August.
The air has a different quality to it. There are only a few weeks of the year where everything comes together, but the last week of August is really a beautiful time.
I love the nectarines, peaches, and raspberries of late summer. I enjoy drying in less than ten minutes when you're wearing a swimming suit outside. I love picnics with my family at the park - and this one had an added bonus of bagpipe players practicing.
I'm rotten at road trips, and I struggle with the glare and parched skin. But I'm really glad I was able to go and show my boys more things to love about where I grew up. Grateful for all the hugs and talks I got. I love giggling with my sisters - one at a time, or all at once. Happy for the generosity of so many toward me. Feeling the love - especially for the last week of August.
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