scrappy books

When I was about 14, I went through a phase where I would listen to basketball games while I scrapbooked. I would have watched them, but access to a tv was sometimes difficult to get, and so I would just do random scrapbook things while I listened. I didn't go all-out...that's not really my style, especially when I didn't really have any money, and my mom wasn't into scrapbooking, so I made do with the minimalist gear I had. 

That's probably why there's more stuff in those scrapbooks than in any other years...the time between when I was 14-16. Seems like I just had a lot of energy and time back then...

But last night, I was scrapbooking. I was, admittedly, feeling a little sorry for myself that I didn't have anything to do on Saturday night. I thought, well, it's been awhile since I scrapbooked, and it's way better to do something useful than to sit around and mope.

And you know what...it was a good thing. Every picture I was in meant someone cared enough about me to stop to take a photo. I wasn't much into taking photos for the first few years of my life. I came across some really funny pictures, though...and some that made my heart squeeze a little.

I found one of my cousins and their mom, 20 years ago. It hurt my heart that 2 of the 4 people in the picture are no longer alive. I found a whole section of pictures I took of my sister and her fiancé ten years ago. They both looked so happy...theirs was a beautiful marriage, cut too short by Evil Nemesis Cancer. 

I found some of my cousins...I used to spend more time with them, but I bet it's been almost 10 years since I've seen the majority of the cousins on my mom's side. There was one where the group of cousins that were between 3-5 years older than I was were all posing, and it made me laugh. The thing about scrapbooking is that it brings back memories. I couldn't help myself from editorializing as I went through the pictures. The thing I found myself wishing most is that I had been more diligent about wearing sunscreen. There was one set of pictures I came across...I was either 11 or 12. In all the pictures, I looked extraordinarily red and extraordinarily unhappy. There were some that looked like I had just been crying, and some others with my face seeming bright red, with a forced smile. I didn't remember being really unhappy, but then I think, yep, puberty was no fun...no wonder I looked like that in those pictures. So many feelings, so much angst, so much that I was trying so hard to express. Maybe I tried to express too much...maybe that's why I got so many "extra chores." I should have said, 'Mom, you're stifling my expression!' Haha...yep...that would not have gone my way. :P Not that I mind now, though. I'm grateful that I had experiences that helped me learn how to deal with my emotions. 

I'm so grateful, too. It seems I've gotten prettier as I've gotten older. I really don't think it's that I like myself more now than I did then...it's just that I guess I grew into my features. Most of the boys that liked me back then (assuming there were any...I admit I've kind of forgotten all about that, and I really don't want to dredge up the memories) must have liked me for my winning personality. :) 

It was a night the brought back lots of memories, and made me want to be closer to my family. Which is good, because a sister of mine is going to be moving within driving distance! So now I'll have more family close. Yay for happy memories, and yay for family.