I didn't really know that song until I watched the movie Elf for the first time. That's my favorite scene in the movie. My second favorite is where Buddy says, "There are four major food groups. Candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup!" as he's putting syrup on his spaghetti noodles instead of sauce. It kind of makes me shudder in sugar horror even thinking about it; I don' t know why I like it, but I do. I would never do such a thing, and the rest of the movie is pretty lame, as far as I'm concerned, but I do like those two parts.
This week it was record cold. It snowed and sent the city into shutdown mode. When I woke up on Wednesday the thermometer read 19, feels like 10. Brrr. I was a little ice box all week. My little feet were frozen at work. I wore a scarf, hat, gloves, and big winter coat, not to mention boots with fairly good tread as I made the trek to work. There was no way anybody without those little tire tread makers hooked on their tires was going anywhere.
The nice thing about snow is that when you're a little kid and you don't have to worry about going anywhere, it's actually romantic. Little individual ice crystals falling from the sky that you can go play in, make snowballs with, go sledding on, and do snow angels in - what could be better? Especially when you can just go inside and have hot cocoa when you're done with five little marshmallows on it (ten if mom's feeling generous).
Apparently my neighbors are small children inside, because a snow day was announced, and since there was 2" of snow on the street, they got their sleds and snowboots on and slid down the street again and again, shrieking gleefully at the tops of their lungs until almost midnight. I thought it was kind of cute and a nice background noise until I started imagining what would happen if someone in a Range Rover decided to come down the street going too fast, and the possible ramifications and lawsuits, and then I kind of tried to block out the sound. Oh, how quickly I have become a negator!*
For a few days everything was minimally staffed - hardly anyone was at work - and staying warm and traveling safely were all anybody thought about. It made me think, hm. If I were still down south, I wouldn't have thought about weird weather in the north at all. Weather's one of those things where unless you're in it you just don't care/understand. "Oh, poor you, you're having a snowstorm. Guess what? It's 55 and sunny today!" If you're not in the place with the weather, it doesn't affect you at all. But if you are in the place with the weather, and it's bad weather, it consumes you. I never even looked at weather.com before....not since I moved. But you can bet that every few hours I'd refresh the page to see what it looked like.
It was cold outside. It's warmer now - and for a few weeks, people will be careful, and try to keep a few emergency items on hand. But after a few weeks, it may snow again, and we will replay the situation over and over again. It's like a broken record: snow. panic. cleanup. remember. forget. snow. panic. cleanup. remember. forget. All the way until spring, and then the "forget" becomes the rut until next winter.
Yes, I did just compare weather to a record. Hopefully anyone who reads this knows what a record is. Oh help for those who don't. If you haven't, you're missing out. But you can miss out less...you can experience the cold just by putting on "Baby, it's Cold Outside."
Negator: Professional wet blanket.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Goodwill
Dear Goodwill in the Warehouse District:
I appreciate your presence. Although you have limited parking and your concrete steps are hollow, at least you are handicap accessible and you *have* parking. And it's free. So kudos on that.
The signs on your bathroom scare me, and the fact that your employees need to wear gloves that can withstand Clorox and masks that could potentially ward off h1n1 makes me dubious about your success.
You do carry a variety of plastics, which I like. And while I would not buy a stuffed animal for a small child from you, or dig through various bins of debris to find the lid to the perfect sized salad spinner that I was eying but then realized there was no lid (I could just hear my mom saying, "look with your hands, not with your eyes"...but sorry, Mom, I just couldn't do it. Not without industrial strength gloves.). So I am salad-spinnerless.
However, the shapes of some of the composite furniture you had on display was fairly impressive, and the sewing machine that didn't have a presser foot was really amazing...at least 70 years old. That's how you know the oldies but goodies brands. And the pricing scheme you came up with was unique: 49 cents per pound of housewares. I don't think I've ever seen wholesale plastic cups and old pans by the pound before. And someone with good taste donates to you, because I saw at least 5 Roger Whittaker records for sale. But let me share a secret with you: you're a bit short on books.
I'm glad I visited you. It made me hope that I will never by pure necessity visit to purchase shoes or any other accessories or even need stop by again. But every time I want to feel gratitude, I may stop by. It won't be a pity party. You're strong, even in this economy. You have options. People need you. I need you. Even if it's not for the same reasons that some of the other people do.
So here's to you, Warehouse Goodwill. Keep up the good work.
I appreciate your presence. Although you have limited parking and your concrete steps are hollow, at least you are handicap accessible and you *have* parking. And it's free. So kudos on that.
The signs on your bathroom scare me, and the fact that your employees need to wear gloves that can withstand Clorox and masks that could potentially ward off h1n1 makes me dubious about your success.
You do carry a variety of plastics, which I like. And while I would not buy a stuffed animal for a small child from you, or dig through various bins of debris to find the lid to the perfect sized salad spinner that I was eying but then realized there was no lid (I could just hear my mom saying, "look with your hands, not with your eyes"...but sorry, Mom, I just couldn't do it. Not without industrial strength gloves.). So I am salad-spinnerless.
However, the shapes of some of the composite furniture you had on display was fairly impressive, and the sewing machine that didn't have a presser foot was really amazing...at least 70 years old. That's how you know the oldies but goodies brands. And the pricing scheme you came up with was unique: 49 cents per pound of housewares. I don't think I've ever seen wholesale plastic cups and old pans by the pound before. And someone with good taste donates to you, because I saw at least 5 Roger Whittaker records for sale. But let me share a secret with you: you're a bit short on books.
I'm glad I visited you. It made me hope that I will never by pure necessity visit to purchase shoes or any other accessories or even need stop by again. But every time I want to feel gratitude, I may stop by. It won't be a pity party. You're strong, even in this economy. You have options. People need you. I need you. Even if it's not for the same reasons that some of the other people do.
So here's to you, Warehouse Goodwill. Keep up the good work.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Songiment I
It's safe to say that I love naps, and the world could use more love and more naps. But you'll never catch me snoozing in a field of gold or sleeping in the flowers. What if there was clover, and I rolled over and landed on a bee, and got stung on the lip, and it started to swell and look like a red rubber ball? Then I'd really be a lady in red. (When I was younger, [so] much younger, I thought that song was about me all the time because my hair's red.)
To make myself feel a little better, I'd probably have something sweet - probably vanilla ice cream - with peaches, if they were in season. That reminds me of the time Uncle Dan got stung by a bee and ruined by a little bird within thirty seconds of each other. As long as I don't have a not-so-fine day like that, I'll be all right. But if all that did happen, at least I'd have something to talk about.
Okay. Give me a break. Some of these are a little reachy, but they're what popped into my head. A true sequence of songs and I wanted to link them together. The story is a little weak, but I'm going to do a series of these, and hopefully they'll improve as I go along.
To make myself feel a little better, I'd probably have something sweet - probably vanilla ice cream - with peaches, if they were in season. That reminds me of the time Uncle Dan got stung by a bee and ruined by a little bird within thirty seconds of each other. As long as I don't have a not-so-fine day like that, I'll be all right. But if all that did happen, at least I'd have something to talk about.
Okay. Give me a break. Some of these are a little reachy, but they're what popped into my head. A true sequence of songs and I wanted to link them together. The story is a little weak, but I'm going to do a series of these, and hopefully they'll improve as I go along.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Little Bird/ He-art
brush your grey wings on my head / say what you've said / say it again / they tell me I'm crazy, but you told me I'm golden
sometimes it's hard to tell the truth from a lie / nobody knows what's in the hold of your mind
Something about this song just struck me. It was my song of the week about three weeks ago. I was searching desperately for a different song- one that I thought was by the Weepies, but was actually Regina Spektor. Fidelity. What a good name for a song. So you can guess what my song of the week was as soon as I found it. I kept hearing the "ha-ha-ah-ha-ha-ah-ha-ha-eart" line over and over again in my head, which is kind of funny, considering the lyrics of the song: "i hear in my mind all of these voices / i hear in my mind all of these words / i hear in my mind all of this music / and it breaks my heart".
There's just something about it - going back to the Weepies song - the fact that it's 3/4 time, the softness of the song, the odd harmonies, the words of the song, the mood I was in when I heard it for the first time - that really made an impact. I think I listened to it about twenty times. The chorus, especially, got to me. brush your grey wings on my head like, it's okay, all the bad stuff is gone now. You were confused but you don't have to be any more. Just let me comfort you and everything will be all right. Keep telling me it will be all right, and I'll believe you.
The way she talks about how it seems like nobody knows you, but if you just look for the good things, and don't let the regular mundane everyday minutiae get to you, you'll see how good life is and how much better it can be if you let it. Sometimes life just stinks. It's true. But if you listen to the little bird inside of you, maybe it will gradually get better.
Every person needs a little bird. The wings don't need to be grey, and the bird doesn't have to have a Weepie voice and it doesn't need to sing in three quarter time. I don't even like birds...but I like the little bird in this song. So little birds everywhere, keep singing. Keep comforting. You never know who will need a brush of wing or a hug from you.
sometimes it's hard to tell the truth from a lie / nobody knows what's in the hold of your mind
Something about this song just struck me. It was my song of the week about three weeks ago. I was searching desperately for a different song- one that I thought was by the Weepies, but was actually Regina Spektor. Fidelity. What a good name for a song. So you can guess what my song of the week was as soon as I found it. I kept hearing the "ha-ha-ah-ha-ha-ah-ha-ha-eart" line over and over again in my head, which is kind of funny, considering the lyrics of the song: "i hear in my mind all of these voices / i hear in my mind all of these words / i hear in my mind all of this music / and it breaks my heart".
There's just something about it - going back to the Weepies song - the fact that it's 3/4 time, the softness of the song, the odd harmonies, the words of the song, the mood I was in when I heard it for the first time - that really made an impact. I think I listened to it about twenty times. The chorus, especially, got to me. brush your grey wings on my head like, it's okay, all the bad stuff is gone now. You were confused but you don't have to be any more. Just let me comfort you and everything will be all right. Keep telling me it will be all right, and I'll believe you.
The way she talks about how it seems like nobody knows you, but if you just look for the good things, and don't let the regular mundane everyday minutiae get to you, you'll see how good life is and how much better it can be if you let it. Sometimes life just stinks. It's true. But if you listen to the little bird inside of you, maybe it will gradually get better.
Every person needs a little bird. The wings don't need to be grey, and the bird doesn't have to have a Weepie voice and it doesn't need to sing in three quarter time. I don't even like birds...but I like the little bird in this song. So little birds everywhere, keep singing. Keep comforting. You never know who will need a brush of wing or a hug from you.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Sierra Leone (not the country)
So, I would like to think that I'm a pretty smart person. Able to (perhaps with some tutoring, depending on the subject) understand concepts and theories and put them selectively into practice. Usually Wiki is great for helping me in my quest to become a more educated individual.
For example, you can find out when almost every ship in the US Navy was commissioned and whether it's still in active service or not; you can find out about the Defenestration of Prague and other historical events; you can find out the discography of even a prolific artist (like Gordon Lightfoot! Who I finally saw in person! but that is for another blog post); and you can look up mathematical formulas and business strategems. What a great tool.
But every once in awhile, there's Wiki Fail. Sometimes, we make wiki fail on purpose. For example, making certain assertions about a certain player from a certain hockey team and his lack of ethics in his hitting and taunting practices. (He shall remain nameless in order to allow him protection.) And then other people fix it! To take out bias and the like.
Sometimes Wiki is just darned confusing. Or maybe I was just dazed and confused when I read the article on dubstep. A friend of mine sent me a song and I listened to it, and I hadn't really ever heard of dubstep before so I looked it up to see how it was done, etc. And the result was sort of confusing. But I like the song anyway! It's this one.
Pretty cool, especially when you listen with surround sound speakers like mah sistah has. Of course, five minutes is about all I can handle, but this particular one is an interesting mix of ethereal and dark.
So really this isn't about dubstep at all. It's about the fact that I like music, that Wiki fails sometimes, and that I like learning. Thanks for 'learning' along with me.
For example, you can find out when almost every ship in the US Navy was commissioned and whether it's still in active service or not; you can find out about the Defenestration of Prague and other historical events; you can find out the discography of even a prolific artist (like Gordon Lightfoot! Who I finally saw in person! but that is for another blog post); and you can look up mathematical formulas and business strategems. What a great tool.
But every once in awhile, there's Wiki Fail. Sometimes, we make wiki fail on purpose. For example, making certain assertions about a certain player from a certain hockey team and his lack of ethics in his hitting and taunting practices. (He shall remain nameless in order to allow him protection.) And then other people fix it! To take out bias and the like.
Sometimes Wiki is just darned confusing. Or maybe I was just dazed and confused when I read the article on dubstep. A friend of mine sent me a song and I listened to it, and I hadn't really ever heard of dubstep before so I looked it up to see how it was done, etc. And the result was sort of confusing. But I like the song anyway! It's this one.
Pretty cool, especially when you listen with surround sound speakers like mah sistah has. Of course, five minutes is about all I can handle, but this particular one is an interesting mix of ethereal and dark.
So really this isn't about dubstep at all. It's about the fact that I like music, that Wiki fails sometimes, and that I like learning. Thanks for 'learning' along with me.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Before and After, Part II
So, three years later, I am writing this blog post. It's about the before's and the after's. That would be a great band name: Befores and Afters.
So...either I'm really not blog savvy or google's restrictions or dumb, or a combination of both, but the captions wouldn't work on all of them, blah blah blah...SO FRUSTRATING. *pants* Okay. Sorry for yelling.Here we go:
David Bowie: The far right is what we captured. But when I saw the one on the left I couldn't resist putting it in. Look at that hair!
Left: Eric Clapton. Though I think I will always think of him as he appears on the cover of the Cream of Clapton CD. First run-through.
Sonny & Cher: It's a long way from "I've got you, Babe" to "Do you believe in life after love?" (and apparently plastic surgery...)
Left: Warren Zevon. Whoever that is.
Middle: Gordon Lightfoot! I am going to see him next month. I am so excited; if you could read my mind, love, you'd know this concert is not going to be like the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.
Left: Ian Anderson, Jethro Tull. Bungle in the jungle.
 |
| Billy Joel |
 |
| Michael Jackson |
 |
| Elton John |
Perhaps the most drastic is MJ. I couldn't bear to put the King of Pop's face up how it was right before he died. Interestingly enough, I will never forget the day he died because I was taking an accounting final that day and I was so worried I was going to fail it.
What will you look like, before and after?
the scream
by Edvard Munch by emmello
in honor of Halloween. Or creative genius. Or random paintings. Take your pick.
in honor of Halloween. Or creative genius. Or random paintings. Take your pick.
Friday, October 1, 2010
by the numbers
Okay. I had some random thoughts.
1. I thought about Lamb Chop. You know, that character that the ventriloquist, whose name I think is Sherri, but actually isn't - the one with the bright copper hair - and I was marveling that these days one could never have a show with the main character called Lamb Chop. It's violent. It's meaty. It's discriminatory. It could promote gang violence. (Eh?) There's no way that in this current PC world a kid's show could do that. What is the world coming to? I mean, clearly it was in trouble, that producers got so desperate as to have a Lamb Chop in the first place....
*groans and hides my face in my hands* Oh my. The things I think of.
2. I am losing my touch. I made a resolution to go online and do at least one algebra problem a day...just so I don't forget how. I think if I had to take the ACT again tomorrow I would probably get a 12. I got out my pencil and paper at work today and started jotting down during my lunch hour. I had forgotten the satisfaction of working the numbers by hand, of the aha! when you solve for x. Or y. Or both. I am by no means to quadratic equations yet (I just started out with 3x + y = 8 or something like that), but I plan to do it. You just never know when you will have to whip out those skillz.
3. I have a song of the week. It really does last about a week. I listen to it an insane amount of times for seven days. Often it's the first thing I put on when I get up, and the last thing I hear before I go to bed. It runs through my head over and over. I nod my head at work and deconstruct rhythm in my head.
I remember entire sequences of events by weeks. It's why I have a SOTW calendar. Like, this week it's the Beatles' "I'm Looking Through You" - but this is the version you should listen to. Not the other, slower one. Bleh. It's the week of bbq @ conference and the $15MM water fund line of credit I've been trying to underwrite. Last week, it was this. It ran through my head, loop after loop, like a complicated puzzle, while I sat and decoded budgets. The week before, it was this one. This last one reminds me of R for some reason. Can't say why. Maybe it's the "alabama, Arkansas" part...
1. I thought about Lamb Chop. You know, that character that the ventriloquist, whose name I think is Sherri, but actually isn't - the one with the bright copper hair - and I was marveling that these days one could never have a show with the main character called Lamb Chop. It's violent. It's meaty. It's discriminatory. It could promote gang violence. (Eh?) There's no way that in this current PC world a kid's show could do that. What is the world coming to? I mean, clearly it was in trouble, that producers got so desperate as to have a Lamb Chop in the first place....
*groans and hides my face in my hands* Oh my. The things I think of.
2. I am losing my touch. I made a resolution to go online and do at least one algebra problem a day...just so I don't forget how. I think if I had to take the ACT again tomorrow I would probably get a 12. I got out my pencil and paper at work today and started jotting down during my lunch hour. I had forgotten the satisfaction of working the numbers by hand, of the aha! when you solve for x. Or y. Or both. I am by no means to quadratic equations yet (I just started out with 3x + y = 8 or something like that), but I plan to do it. You just never know when you will have to whip out those skillz.
3. I have a song of the week. It really does last about a week. I listen to it an insane amount of times for seven days. Often it's the first thing I put on when I get up, and the last thing I hear before I go to bed. It runs through my head over and over. I nod my head at work and deconstruct rhythm in my head.
I remember entire sequences of events by weeks. It's why I have a SOTW calendar. Like, this week it's the Beatles' "I'm Looking Through You" - but this is the version you should listen to. Not the other, slower one. Bleh. It's the week of bbq @ conference and the $15MM water fund line of credit I've been trying to underwrite. Last week, it was this. It ran through my head, loop after loop, like a complicated puzzle, while I sat and decoded budgets. The week before, it was this one. This last one reminds me of R for some reason. Can't say why. Maybe it's the "alabama, Arkansas" part...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Before and After...Part I
So. I went to get my hair cut a couple weeks ago. It was atrocious. I panicked - and I didn't even have my glasses on yet. She (the stylist) stopped before she got to the end and said, "I'm sorry. I have no idea what happened." I'm sure it didn't look as horrible as I thought it looked, but I was not happy. So I went to get it cut...again...later...by a different person. Here's what it looked like after the second person was done:
And then, there was three weeks later, after the blowdryer:
And then, there was three weeks later, after the blowdryer:
Saturday, August 14, 2010
From my Front Porch
Today, I was in a hot place. There is nothing like a summer morning in the desert. The air is just...there's an indefinable quality to it that is unlike any other.
I was sitting on the porch, watching the sun set over the lake, as I have many times, and hope to do many more times. I was sitting by myself, as usual. I can't even tell you how many times when I was a teenager in angst I sat on that porch and waited for [insert boy-of-the-month's name here] to call, or stop by, or for a boy to magically appear and sweep me off my feet...or how many times I sat and picked the dead heads off the petunias in anger or self-pity. (My excuse is that I was a teenager. Please, give me some slack.)
Today I was also waiting. Waiting for something...this time, I wasn't sure what. Now that I'm inside, I'm still not sure. But I had, just a few hours earlier, received life-altering news of the negative sort: one of my best friends - a person who I loved well, who was the kind of person who made a difference to other people - has passed from this earth and is on his journey back to God. I had made a few phone calls to a few friends, letting them know the news, still numb, still in shock.
It almost felt like I was waiting for a friend to call me, as I sat there, phone in hand, watching the green meld with the orange as the sun melted behind the island. It's one of those moments when you feel sad but you're not going to cry - when you're not quite sure what to feel, but whatever it is you're feeling, it's intense and it's not going to go away.
Life will never be the same. But there's still the porch. And the lake. And the summer nights in the darkness. And the waiting. Maybe soon, I will find what I am looking for, and I won't be waiting any more. Or maybe I'll always be waiting for something. I kind of hope not, as to me that means I will never be satisfied with what I have - never content or even happy to be on the stretch of road that I'm at - always wishing I was further ahead or in a place lagging behind. There's an art to living in the moment that I just haven't mastered yet. But I'll get there. Even if it's the last thing I do.
Cheers, R. I love you. May you finally be granted peace after your long, painful journey.
I was sitting on the porch, watching the sun set over the lake, as I have many times, and hope to do many more times. I was sitting by myself, as usual. I can't even tell you how many times when I was a teenager in angst I sat on that porch and waited for [insert boy-of-the-month's name here] to call, or stop by, or for a boy to magically appear and sweep me off my feet...or how many times I sat and picked the dead heads off the petunias in anger or self-pity. (My excuse is that I was a teenager. Please, give me some slack.)
Today I was also waiting. Waiting for something...this time, I wasn't sure what. Now that I'm inside, I'm still not sure. But I had, just a few hours earlier, received life-altering news of the negative sort: one of my best friends - a person who I loved well, who was the kind of person who made a difference to other people - has passed from this earth and is on his journey back to God. I had made a few phone calls to a few friends, letting them know the news, still numb, still in shock.
It almost felt like I was waiting for a friend to call me, as I sat there, phone in hand, watching the green meld with the orange as the sun melted behind the island. It's one of those moments when you feel sad but you're not going to cry - when you're not quite sure what to feel, but whatever it is you're feeling, it's intense and it's not going to go away.
Life will never be the same. But there's still the porch. And the lake. And the summer nights in the darkness. And the waiting. Maybe soon, I will find what I am looking for, and I won't be waiting any more. Or maybe I'll always be waiting for something. I kind of hope not, as to me that means I will never be satisfied with what I have - never content or even happy to be on the stretch of road that I'm at - always wishing I was further ahead or in a place lagging behind. There's an art to living in the moment that I just haven't mastered yet. But I'll get there. Even if it's the last thing I do.
Cheers, R. I love you. May you finally be granted peace after your long, painful journey.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
No One Is To Blame
PS, I like that Howard Jones song. :) Reminds me of mah li'l sis, V.
I've been noticing a few things lately:
1. How come gnats always seem to congregate at eye/face level, in the middle of the sidewalk?
I know there are a lot of gnats. But seriously, they are always at face level. Does anybody who's not 5'6" have this problem?!?!?!
2. My brain seems to be full of useless information.
How come I can't tell you certain aspects of my job that I clearly should know, and know well, and be able to explain to a complete stranger/novice, but I can describe the latest happenings of several celebrities? It just seems unfair. I don't even want to know what endorsements the famous have or where they went last week or who they are currently with, and yet my poor brain records every fact and retains it. How come I can't retain the meaningful stuff?!?! ARGH.
3. How is it that being irritated is so easy, especially over little things, and being happy, even over big things, seems to be a much greater challenge for many of the people I know?
4. Some girls do all the dating. Some people always reach out to the other person in the 'relationship.' Some people have no-touchy bubbles at least a yard wide. We're just different. There's no getting around it, even if we want to.
5. Why is it that when you drink several kinds of alcoholic beverages in a night that your hangover is worse the next day than it would be if you just drank vodka?
6. I seem to be one of the dwindling few who the who hopes Facebook perishes soon.
7. I prefer green grapes to red ones. Oh, the horrors. when did this happen?
8. Grouchy really does not wear well.
I've been noticing a few things lately:
1. How come gnats always seem to congregate at eye/face level, in the middle of the sidewalk?
I know there are a lot of gnats. But seriously, they are always at face level. Does anybody who's not 5'6" have this problem?!?!?!
2. My brain seems to be full of useless information.
How come I can't tell you certain aspects of my job that I clearly should know, and know well, and be able to explain to a complete stranger/novice, but I can describe the latest happenings of several celebrities? It just seems unfair. I don't even want to know what endorsements the famous have or where they went last week or who they are currently with, and yet my poor brain records every fact and retains it. How come I can't retain the meaningful stuff?!?! ARGH.
3. How is it that being irritated is so easy, especially over little things, and being happy, even over big things, seems to be a much greater challenge for many of the people I know?
4. Some girls do all the dating. Some people always reach out to the other person in the 'relationship.' Some people have no-touchy bubbles at least a yard wide. We're just different. There's no getting around it, even if we want to.
5. Why is it that when you drink several kinds of alcoholic beverages in a night that your hangover is worse the next day than it would be if you just drank vodka?
6. I seem to be one of the dwindling few who the who hopes Facebook perishes soon.
7. I prefer green grapes to red ones. Oh, the horrors. when did this happen?
8. Grouchy really does not wear well.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Hold On
I love many people in my life. Thank you, all of you, who love me back, who provide me support when I'm weak, help me laugh when I'm strong, and carry me when I feel like I can't go another emotional step on my journey.
One of my favorite people on the earth is gravely ill. I feel helpless, like one grain of sand being tossed about in the ocean, and yet I have hope that I and my loved ones will make it to the shore and will be made into a beautiful sandcastle someday, all living together.
One of my other favorite people on earth is a brave warrior, learning vast amounts of knowledge, making critical decisions daily, staying strong for her greatest love. Caregiving is hard. So hard. I only have a taste of it, and I am not sure I could carry myself forward with the fortitude and determination she carries with every step she takes. Then again, our minds, bodies, and spirits are resilient things. God made us so we could adapt, and I know He is helping her to be strong in the face of the leech/storm that is cancer.
Heaven seems so far from hospitals. It's hard to feel God's love in a such a sterile, beeping, somehow toxic environment. I walked by several rooms yesterday and saw no loving hands holding, no soft love whispers, no person attentively listening to a treatment plan. It made me feel sad to think of all these people in the ICU who had no one to come visit them. At all. And more grateful that I have people who will come - running, or flying - when I call for help.
Hope and peace is what we need. That, and a miracle. It's hard sometimes to say "whatever will be will be" or "it is what it is" or "It's in God's hands now." We always have been in God's hands. It's just that sometimes we are more aware that he could squeeze a little, molding us in not-so-subtle ways.And that's not always easy to accept. Right now I'm not liking being squeezed so much.
R, I love you. J, I love you. Stay strong. Hold on.
One of my favorite people on the earth is gravely ill. I feel helpless, like one grain of sand being tossed about in the ocean, and yet I have hope that I and my loved ones will make it to the shore and will be made into a beautiful sandcastle someday, all living together.
One of my other favorite people on earth is a brave warrior, learning vast amounts of knowledge, making critical decisions daily, staying strong for her greatest love. Caregiving is hard. So hard. I only have a taste of it, and I am not sure I could carry myself forward with the fortitude and determination she carries with every step she takes. Then again, our minds, bodies, and spirits are resilient things. God made us so we could adapt, and I know He is helping her to be strong in the face of the leech/storm that is cancer.
Heaven seems so far from hospitals. It's hard to feel God's love in a such a sterile, beeping, somehow toxic environment. I walked by several rooms yesterday and saw no loving hands holding, no soft love whispers, no person attentively listening to a treatment plan. It made me feel sad to think of all these people in the ICU who had no one to come visit them. At all. And more grateful that I have people who will come - running, or flying - when I call for help.
Hope and peace is what we need. That, and a miracle. It's hard sometimes to say "whatever will be will be" or "it is what it is" or "It's in God's hands now." We always have been in God's hands. It's just that sometimes we are more aware that he could squeeze a little, molding us in not-so-subtle ways.And that's not always easy to accept. Right now I'm not liking being squeezed so much.
R, I love you. J, I love you. Stay strong. Hold on.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Crow vs Robin
On my way home from work today, I was a little startled when a large crow swerved and did a tight coil and landed about eight feet in front of me - in the road. (Those of you who know me know how much I dislike birds, but that is another post.) The point of this post is to document what happened next: a very skinny robin,** cheeping loudly, dive-bombed the crow. The crow, not having any of this insurgent behavior, immediately took off after the robin.
The robin alighted on the branch of a tree, unseen, and the crow landed on the grass, walking cockily up and down. There were several quail nearby, as well. The robin continued to cheep angrily, while the crow pretended not to listen (reminds me of some past interactions with some sisters of mine, but that is also for another post). The crow proceeded to bully a nearby pigeon, causing it to fly away, across the street, by where I was. By now I had stopped and was just watching, carefully. The crow gave the air of not being ruffled, but it really was, and walked over to bully a few more pigeons.
One pigeon, who had just decided to fly from a (safe) branch to the ground, decided it didn't want to be too close to the crow, but was too close to the ground before it could make up its mind and ended up doing a belly flop. I seriously have never seen a bird belly flop, but it did. Rather ungainly looking; I hope I never have occasion to see it happen again.
The robin dive-bombed again. And again. The crow was clearly getting annoyed and was taking it out on the pigeons, snapping at them. The robin decided to give it one more try, squawking madly the entire time, but the crow had had enough, and went aloft, the robin in hot pursuit. Only the crow, being more wily, took a sharp turn and the robin missed and went to hang out on a branch, clearly aiming to do better next time.
Meanwhile, the crow ruffled itself and went back to terrorizing the pigeons. I left with the robin circling, still making noise, and the crow still trying to assert dominance. I wonder what the robin was so hot and bothered about.
Oh birdbrains, how I love you. You provide such entertainment.
**Perhaps in an effort to go 'green' it had given up on worms - I am used to ugly fat robins, so this one practically looked emaciated, but was really just on the slim side...
The robin alighted on the branch of a tree, unseen, and the crow landed on the grass, walking cockily up and down. There were several quail nearby, as well. The robin continued to cheep angrily, while the crow pretended not to listen (reminds me of some past interactions with some sisters of mine, but that is also for another post). The crow proceeded to bully a nearby pigeon, causing it to fly away, across the street, by where I was. By now I had stopped and was just watching, carefully. The crow gave the air of not being ruffled, but it really was, and walked over to bully a few more pigeons.
One pigeon, who had just decided to fly from a (safe) branch to the ground, decided it didn't want to be too close to the crow, but was too close to the ground before it could make up its mind and ended up doing a belly flop. I seriously have never seen a bird belly flop, but it did. Rather ungainly looking; I hope I never have occasion to see it happen again.
The robin dive-bombed again. And again. The crow was clearly getting annoyed and was taking it out on the pigeons, snapping at them. The robin decided to give it one more try, squawking madly the entire time, but the crow had had enough, and went aloft, the robin in hot pursuit. Only the crow, being more wily, took a sharp turn and the robin missed and went to hang out on a branch, clearly aiming to do better next time.
Meanwhile, the crow ruffled itself and went back to terrorizing the pigeons. I left with the robin circling, still making noise, and the crow still trying to assert dominance. I wonder what the robin was so hot and bothered about.
Oh birdbrains, how I love you. You provide such entertainment.
**Perhaps in an effort to go 'green' it had given up on worms - I am used to ugly fat robins, so this one practically looked emaciated, but was really just on the slim side...
Thursday, May 13, 2010
For the First Time
Things I've done for the first time in 2010:1. Gone on a 3 day road trip. 1200 miles, all told.
2. Ridden the train for my commute
3. Worked more than 30 stories up
4. Recorded a song on video
5. Gone serious apartment hunting
6. Consistently walked to the grocery store as my main means of shopping
7. Bought a coscto membership
8. Gone mattress shopping
9. Bought a vacuum
10. Eaten crab legs
11. Eaten Indian takeout
12. Paid for parking downtown for a night event13. Gotten a free couch
14. Hung over my deck
15. Had an appointment with the cable guy
Mostly fairly mundane "firsts." I'm sure the rest will bring a whole lot more.
Random pics: Out with the old, in with the (new) view!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sad Songs and Waltzes [Are] Selling This Year
And every other year, apparently. Last night I was with R and J and we were singing traditional Irish folk songs. It occurred to me that besides "All for me Grog" they were, uniformly, beautiful and sad. (I don't count the sea chanties....sorry.)
And then came a litany of sad songs. Think about it. Most really really popular bands, they have one sad song. Probably if you know at least one song of the band's, it's a sad song. Every big name has at least one trademark sad song. Here are a few of my selected examples, combined with a couple of exceptions to the list.
Notice, there is no one "new" in this list. That's because you have to be a time-tested, enduring musical presence in order to be counted on this list. Not everybody has to like what you do, but anything post-80s doesn't count at all.
Sad Songs by Big Names
1. Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin
2. Imagine, John Lennon
3. Leavin' on a Jetplane, John Denver
4. Puff the Magic Dragon, Peter Paul & Mary
5. So Far Away, Carole King
6. Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, Gordon Lightfoot
7. Billie Jean, Michael Jackson
8. Major Tom, David Bowie
9. My Heart will go on, Celine Dion (this breaks the 80s rule but dang, she's been singing for a LONG TIME)
10. Howard Jones - No One Is to Blame (though I'd rather listen to Everlasting Love)
11. Poison - Every Rose Has its Thorn (though I really don't think Poison merits being on the "great" list, this is their one song everyone knows, and it is sad)
12. Simon & Garfunkel - The Boxer (and most of their other songs)
13. Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
14. Tiny Dancer/Candle In the Wind, Elton John
15. She's Always A Woman, Billy Joel. There are a lot of other ones from him that are really well-known, too...like Piano Man, anyone?
16. You're So Vain, Carly Simon
17. Faithfully - Journey (being faithful isn't sad, but all the words are sad, as is the general feeling of the song)
18. Hotel California - Eagles
19. Horse With No Name - America
Exceptions to the Rule
1. Beach Boys (Surfin' and Barbara Ann don't count, though "Help me Rhonda" does nearly get on the Pathetic list. Don't get me wrong, I love that song as much as anyone else as far as its singing in the car qualities go, but Rhonda is just a fool if she falls for that line....)
2. ABBA (Dancing Queen is their #1, which isn't sad, but Fernando is fairly well known, and it definitely is - so are a lot of their other hits)
I know I left out a great many. And of course, my point was to prove that sad songs really do sell, so admittedly, my exceptions list is a little small. But seriously, name me some big names that are always happy!! Let's make a whole list.
And then came a litany of sad songs. Think about it. Most really really popular bands, they have one sad song. Probably if you know at least one song of the band's, it's a sad song. Every big name has at least one trademark sad song. Here are a few of my selected examples, combined with a couple of exceptions to the list.
Notice, there is no one "new" in this list. That's because you have to be a time-tested, enduring musical presence in order to be counted on this list. Not everybody has to like what you do, but anything post-80s doesn't count at all.
Sad Songs by Big Names
1. Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin
2. Imagine, John Lennon
3. Leavin' on a Jetplane, John Denver
4. Puff the Magic Dragon, Peter Paul & Mary
5. So Far Away, Carole King
6. Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, Gordon Lightfoot
7. Billie Jean, Michael Jackson
8. Major Tom, David Bowie
9. My Heart will go on, Celine Dion (this breaks the 80s rule but dang, she's been singing for a LONG TIME)
10. Howard Jones - No One Is to Blame (though I'd rather listen to Everlasting Love)
11. Poison - Every Rose Has its Thorn (though I really don't think Poison merits being on the "great" list, this is their one song everyone knows, and it is sad)
12. Simon & Garfunkel - The Boxer (and most of their other songs)
13. Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
14. Tiny Dancer/Candle In the Wind, Elton John
15. She's Always A Woman, Billy Joel. There are a lot of other ones from him that are really well-known, too...like Piano Man, anyone?
16. You're So Vain, Carly Simon
17. Faithfully - Journey (being faithful isn't sad, but all the words are sad, as is the general feeling of the song)
18. Hotel California - Eagles
19. Horse With No Name - America
Exceptions to the Rule
1. Beach Boys (Surfin' and Barbara Ann don't count, though "Help me Rhonda" does nearly get on the Pathetic list. Don't get me wrong, I love that song as much as anyone else as far as its singing in the car qualities go, but Rhonda is just a fool if she falls for that line....)
2. ABBA (Dancing Queen is their #1, which isn't sad, but Fernando is fairly well known, and it definitely is - so are a lot of their other hits)
I know I left out a great many. And of course, my point was to prove that sad songs really do sell, so admittedly, my exceptions list is a little small. But seriously, name me some big names that are always happy!! Let's make a whole list.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Atlas Shrugged/Manic Monday
Last night, I was doing laundry. Yay for laundry!
Not yay for what happened next. I was in the midst of ordering a down blanket for myself, on an awesome deal, when I heard something rattle. I didn't think much of it. Then I heard the dryer buzz. I did think something of that, and went to change it. Only when I opened the door, I was greeted by a gargantuan puddle of blue. Yep, that's right, the detergent bottle fell from its (I thought it was) secure location, and the top shattered, spraying it everywhere, and seeping all over the bathroom/laundry room floor.
I tried my best to clean it up. It took forever. I kept wishing that I was Atlas, or Samson, or even Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime, and that I could leverage the w/d up. But then I thought, Atlas couldn't hold the world up AND clean up under; that takes too much coordination. So then I wished I had a personal Atlas to shrug so I could clean underneath it anyway. When I got the mess down to mostly a thin soap veneer on the floor, and had tried as many tricks with paper towels as I knew to get what was under up, I went back to finish ordering my blanket. Only the offer of the super great deal expired at midnight in another time zone, and it was now nine minutes too late, no ifs, ands, or buts. No laundry disasters accepted as excuses.
So now my bathroom smells like fresh laundry...that's good. What's not so good is the aftermath. *Sigh*
Yep. Yesterday was definitely a Monday.
Not yay for what happened next. I was in the midst of ordering a down blanket for myself, on an awesome deal, when I heard something rattle. I didn't think much of it. Then I heard the dryer buzz. I did think something of that, and went to change it. Only when I opened the door, I was greeted by a gargantuan puddle of blue. Yep, that's right, the detergent bottle fell from its (I thought it was) secure location, and the top shattered, spraying it everywhere, and seeping all over the bathroom/laundry room floor.
I tried my best to clean it up. It took forever. I kept wishing that I was Atlas, or Samson, or even Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime, and that I could leverage the w/d up. But then I thought, Atlas couldn't hold the world up AND clean up under; that takes too much coordination. So then I wished I had a personal Atlas to shrug so I could clean underneath it anyway. When I got the mess down to mostly a thin soap veneer on the floor, and had tried as many tricks with paper towels as I knew to get what was under up, I went back to finish ordering my blanket. Only the offer of the super great deal expired at midnight in another time zone, and it was now nine minutes too late, no ifs, ands, or buts. No laundry disasters accepted as excuses.
So now my bathroom smells like fresh laundry...that's good. What's not so good is the aftermath. *Sigh*
Yep. Yesterday was definitely a Monday.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Merit of Bad Chocolate
Sitting here, eating dinner (my usual, only sans spinach), I look at the ornate glass bowl I inherited from my neighbor-for-a-day, which has chocolate eggs wrapped in those foil colors that look garish at any other time of year. Perhaps in our minds we suspect that, in October, if we purchased them, they would be [stale/old/moldy/dessicated] unfit for human consumption, seeing as how in our minds we associate these chocolates with Eastertide.
To give some background, I bought them for 50% off the Monday after Easter in an ill-advised shopping trip at 7 pm before having dinner. Grocery shopping without having eaten complex carbohydrates (a phrase I used to hate, it having been used too many times to count to lecture/educate me on the needs of my body, when all I wanted to eat was candy, back in the day) in the last 30 minutes before departure is definitely not something I should ever do, and yet I still do it at least bimonthly. I was trying to decide which ones to get, and someone who was probably around my dad's age looked at me and said, "oh, so you're the 50% off after easter chocolate lady," to which I arched an eyebrow and gave a somewhat sardonic smile back and said, "Clearly, that I am." Which I think kind of boggled his mind, as I looked less than respectable (I believe I wasn't even matching) and he was taken aback that someone actually /admitted/ being a 50% off chocolate lady.
I decided it would be nice to fill my bowl, anyway, after I got them and it was too late to take them back. So I dumped them out and they have been sitting there ever since. I admit I've eaten perhaps a handful since then. But to get to the main point: the merits of bad chocolate are:
1. It's sweet. When you have a craving, it will likely satisfy it.
2. It's slightly sickening. You can taste the wax. Even if it's sitting there, seemingly temptingly winking with those jewel/pastel colored wrappers, you can sniff haughtily and think, "I'm too good for that chocolate. It's not worth the {insert 'calories' or 'sugar crash' here, depending on your preference - I prefer the latter}. I don't need it.
3. It gives people who come over something to do. In absence of a good coffee table book, bad chocolate is nearly always tempting enough to get visitors to have a piece, or two, or three or five, depending on (a) how well they know you; (b) how hungry they are; (c) how their mothers raised them; and (d) how much they like bad chocolate. Absent better conversation, any visitor can always unwrap one, pop it in his/her mouth, and thereby (hopefully politely - smacking lip chocolate eaters are frowned upon by Miss Manners, I'm sure) refrain from carrying on verbally.
Or, if it gets to be October, it can be an instrument of ridicule: When did you buy this chocolate? It's so old! Throw it out already! {Then why did you just have a piece?}
Having pointed out its virtues, I am still going to steadfastly refuse to give in to the siren call of bad (seasonal, which makes it even worse) chocolate.
*Update. My sister W came to visit in July. She said, "Are those from Easter." I said, "Yes, they are." By the end of her visit, they were gone. So! Bad chocolate really DOES have merit!!
To give some background, I bought them for 50% off the Monday after Easter in an ill-advised shopping trip at 7 pm before having dinner. Grocery shopping without having eaten complex carbohydrates (a phrase I used to hate, it having been used too many times to count to lecture/educate me on the needs of my body, when all I wanted to eat was candy, back in the day) in the last 30 minutes before departure is definitely not something I should ever do, and yet I still do it at least bimonthly. I was trying to decide which ones to get, and someone who was probably around my dad's age looked at me and said, "oh, so you're the 50% off after easter chocolate lady," to which I arched an eyebrow and gave a somewhat sardonic smile back and said, "Clearly, that I am." Which I think kind of boggled his mind, as I looked less than respectable (I believe I wasn't even matching) and he was taken aback that someone actually /admitted/ being a 50% off chocolate lady.
I decided it would be nice to fill my bowl, anyway, after I got them and it was too late to take them back. So I dumped them out and they have been sitting there ever since. I admit I've eaten perhaps a handful since then. But to get to the main point: the merits of bad chocolate are:
1. It's sweet. When you have a craving, it will likely satisfy it.
2. It's slightly sickening. You can taste the wax. Even if it's sitting there, seemingly temptingly winking with those jewel/pastel colored wrappers, you can sniff haughtily and think, "I'm too good for that chocolate. It's not worth the {insert 'calories' or 'sugar crash' here, depending on your preference - I prefer the latter}. I don't need it.
3. It gives people who come over something to do. In absence of a good coffee table book, bad chocolate is nearly always tempting enough to get visitors to have a piece, or two, or three or five, depending on (a) how well they know you; (b) how hungry they are; (c) how their mothers raised them; and (d) how much they like bad chocolate. Absent better conversation, any visitor can always unwrap one, pop it in his/her mouth, and thereby (hopefully politely - smacking lip chocolate eaters are frowned upon by Miss Manners, I'm sure) refrain from carrying on verbally.
Or, if it gets to be October, it can be an instrument of ridicule: When did you buy this chocolate? It's so old! Throw it out already! {Then why did you just have a piece?}
Having pointed out its virtues, I am still going to steadfastly refuse to give in to the siren call of bad (seasonal, which makes it even worse) chocolate.
*Update. My sister W came to visit in July. She said, "Are those from Easter." I said, "Yes, they are." By the end of her visit, they were gone. So! Bad chocolate really DOES have merit!!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
If You Could Read My Mind - or - Why I Do Not Read Sad Books
"when you reach the part where the hero comes, the hero would be me / but heroes often fail / and you won't read that book again because the ending's just too hard to take"
(See? Gordon Lightfoot really /is/ the best. See yesterday's post.)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
I close the book, tears streaming down my face, then reopen it, vision blurred, sniffling slightly.
There are a few pages left of torture, of unrelenting sadness, left to consume.
Somehow, I cannot pull myself away, and the sadness envelops me; and I, enthralled, flail helplessly in the grip of emotion, compelled to finish, to read the last bit in the futile saga.
Part of me, the Romantic part, clings to some futile hope that somehow "things" - meaning, the universe - will be all right, and that a happy ending is imminent, and is going to write itself in indelible ink in the few remaining pages.
But it is not to be, and when I am through, and the sadness has been recorded, and I have been unable to stop the tide of words, I close the book, a keening desolation engulfing my being, and I sob quietly, my body wracked with grief. I sob, and it seems that with each gasp of air what was a tiny rip becomes a tear in the fabric of my soul. This continues for a few minutes, as I try to control my body, while my mind replays the climax over and over again.
Then reality intrudes as I become in desperate need of something to blow my nose with. I ignore my growing discomfort and I stroke the cover of the book longingly, still caught in the web of sorrow that was captured on the pages. But no! The web is of my own weaving, the manifestation of my own reaction to mere words on a page.
Sighing, I get up and pad to the Kleenex, and think to myself, "It's just a book. Why are you crying?" I can't explain it. I return to my chair, sit down, and run my fingers over the spine and think, "I don't want my story to end like that one." And I turn my head into the cushion and feel the dampness from where my reaction to some ink and paper and glue, bound into a story, seeped from my eyes, and I wait to be released from the spell of sadness. I wonder, "Why does anyone even LIKE that book?" and scrunch my face and hug myself.
I know I'll never read it again - its poignancy is too vivid to endure more than once. And then I look in the mirror and see my red-rimmed eyes and inflamed nose and wonder, "Was it worth it?" And part of me thinks, "Yes. You are more of a person now - you have embraced an aspect of humanity, and uncovered a facet of yourself that you never knew about before, and it has altered your world view slightly, yet permanently."
And the rest of me thinks, "No. You have enough sadness in your life without inviting more through works of fiction. This work is too close to home. It makes you remember things you want to forget, and reading things like this only causes you to regurgitate the actual unpleasantness in your life, and compare it with the events you just read about."
I vacillate between my two opinions for a moment, then shrug and decide I don't want to scrutinize my emotions anymore - they need no enhanced clarity: I am sad. I was crying. The book affected me.
This, I decide, is all I need to know.
So I put the book down on the floor and huddle into the chair and pull the blanket up to my chin and wait, rocking, for the inexplicable uprising of emotion to subside, and for life to return to "normal," knowing I will never be the same.
I close the book, tears streaming down my face, then reopen it, vision blurred, sniffling slightly.
There are a few pages left of torture, of unrelenting sadness, left to consume.
Somehow, I cannot pull myself away, and the sadness envelops me; and I, enthralled, flail helplessly in the grip of emotion, compelled to finish, to read the last bit in the futile saga.
Part of me, the Romantic part, clings to some futile hope that somehow "things" - meaning, the universe - will be all right, and that a happy ending is imminent, and is going to write itself in indelible ink in the few remaining pages.
But it is not to be, and when I am through, and the sadness has been recorded, and I have been unable to stop the tide of words, I close the book, a keening desolation engulfing my being, and I sob quietly, my body wracked with grief. I sob, and it seems that with each gasp of air what was a tiny rip becomes a tear in the fabric of my soul. This continues for a few minutes, as I try to control my body, while my mind replays the climax over and over again.
Then reality intrudes as I become in desperate need of something to blow my nose with. I ignore my growing discomfort and I stroke the cover of the book longingly, still caught in the web of sorrow that was captured on the pages. But no! The web is of my own weaving, the manifestation of my own reaction to mere words on a page.
Sighing, I get up and pad to the Kleenex, and think to myself, "It's just a book. Why are you crying?" I can't explain it. I return to my chair, sit down, and run my fingers over the spine and think, "I don't want my story to end like that one." And I turn my head into the cushion and feel the dampness from where my reaction to some ink and paper and glue, bound into a story, seeped from my eyes, and I wait to be released from the spell of sadness. I wonder, "Why does anyone even LIKE that book?" and scrunch my face and hug myself.
I know I'll never read it again - its poignancy is too vivid to endure more than once. And then I look in the mirror and see my red-rimmed eyes and inflamed nose and wonder, "Was it worth it?" And part of me thinks, "Yes. You are more of a person now - you have embraced an aspect of humanity, and uncovered a facet of yourself that you never knew about before, and it has altered your world view slightly, yet permanently."
And the rest of me thinks, "No. You have enough sadness in your life without inviting more through works of fiction. This work is too close to home. It makes you remember things you want to forget, and reading things like this only causes you to regurgitate the actual unpleasantness in your life, and compare it with the events you just read about."
I vacillate between my two opinions for a moment, then shrug and decide I don't want to scrutinize my emotions anymore - they need no enhanced clarity: I am sad. I was crying. The book affected me.
This, I decide, is all I need to know.
So I put the book down on the floor and huddle into the chair and pull the blanket up to my chin and wait, rocking, for the inexplicable uprising of emotion to subside, and for life to return to "normal," knowing I will never be the same.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Minstrel of the Dawn
Gordon Lightfoot is the best ever.
You may not like folk. That's fine. You may not like Canadians. That's also fine. You may not like acoustic guitar in general, or awesome voices. That's fine, too, but we may have to have a discussion later about your taste, and I may seriously question your ability to discern true lyrical, if not musical, genius.
So: Go buy Gord's music. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about his work - entire Youtube forums have been written about it, and I am sure many more such posts are in progress as I write.
His songs evoke feelings in me that words can't explain: a feeling of overwhelming sentimentality, remembering times I was listening to his songs, remembering what I was thinking about, remembering long car rides. Sometimes it's an overwhelming sadness, thinking through the lyrics, knowing how many sad things happen to people every day, and how dreary the world must seem to people who don't have a strong safety circle of people who love them, like I do. Sometimes his songs make me think about all the good people in the world who seem to try really hard and never 'get anywhere.' Or people who love unrequitedly, unconditionally, for long periods of time, and the love in their hearts eventually shrivels up and dies because they could only love one person. Or how happy I am to be on the road, moving toward people and things that I love. Or how grateful I am to be alive, with the wind in my hair and watching the sunset's colors changing, humming a Gord's Gold song in my head.
I love his music. End of story. So to sum up: his music is stunning in its simplicity, and sincere in its emotions. Kind of how I want my entire life to be.
If you have not had the pleasure of hearing Gord's stuff, let me know and I'll give you my list of personal favorites.
You may not like folk. That's fine. You may not like Canadians. That's also fine. You may not like acoustic guitar in general, or awesome voices. That's fine, too, but we may have to have a discussion later about your taste, and I may seriously question your ability to discern true lyrical, if not musical, genius.
So: Go buy Gord's music. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about his work - entire Youtube forums have been written about it, and I am sure many more such posts are in progress as I write.
His songs evoke feelings in me that words can't explain: a feeling of overwhelming sentimentality, remembering times I was listening to his songs, remembering what I was thinking about, remembering long car rides. Sometimes it's an overwhelming sadness, thinking through the lyrics, knowing how many sad things happen to people every day, and how dreary the world must seem to people who don't have a strong safety circle of people who love them, like I do. Sometimes his songs make me think about all the good people in the world who seem to try really hard and never 'get anywhere.' Or people who love unrequitedly, unconditionally, for long periods of time, and the love in their hearts eventually shrivels up and dies because they could only love one person. Or how happy I am to be on the road, moving toward people and things that I love. Or how grateful I am to be alive, with the wind in my hair and watching the sunset's colors changing, humming a Gord's Gold song in my head.
I love his music. End of story. So to sum up: his music is stunning in its simplicity, and sincere in its emotions. Kind of how I want my entire life to be.
If you have not had the pleasure of hearing Gord's stuff, let me know and I'll give you my list of personal favorites.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Across (The Western Coast)
Car mileage ticks by like endless rain into a paper cup/ signs slither as they pass, we slip away across the western coast
Good people: I have arrived!
Here's how The Trip went. I do believe it is the longest road trip I have ever taken, roughly 1200 miles from start to finish, covering three days and at least that many inches of rain.
By the way, I will write a separate log about all the travails and helps that I had to deal with/was blessed with to give credit to all the lovely people who helped make this move possible. (Yes, the cheese was intentional, but your help is much appreciated nonetheless.)
The travelog:
Wednesday, 6:45 am. Put keys into the box. Get in car. Drive away. Get gas. Get on 405. Wind through hills, past the Getty, past that circular tower in which I will never live but will always wish I had experienced. Down into the valley, with smog hanging like a silk curtain (let's romanticize a little). Average: 80 miles/hour. Topanga, how I will miss hearing your name being memorialized daily as being a traffic hazard. Wind westward on the 101. Rain falls.
Just before San Luis Obispo: Jack in the Box. Lunch at 10:45. A bit early for me, but it turns out to be a great decision, as there was a guy in there who drove the 101 all the time and gave us good directions. He heard us asking the former CalTrans employee (now JitB on break) about if there was a number to call about landslides and he gave it to us, along with directions of where to get on.
We started up the 1. I have never done any driving like that before. Curves winding so steeply, rising and falling in elevation. 15 miles an hour, in heavy, heavy fog. Sometimes I couldn't even see where the road was going to curve next. It was like being in Mordor, except with no fire and ash, fog and (sometimes) angry surf instead. For miles we saw no one.
We got out a few times...the turquoise water was too alluring. Once we stopped and stood on the edge of a steep ravine, rain gently misting our glasses in perfect tiny drops. We couldn't see the ocean, but we knew it was there. We could see streams trickling toward the ocean, but we couldn't see the destination. It's cold by the sea. It was grey and the sea seemed to be content...but grey days on the ocean always remind me how powerful it is - no man can stop the tide. Good thing too...it would be a sorry thing if men could control everything.
The UPS driver whipped around the curves that I had been inching round for hours, smiling and waving. Waving? How can you take your hands off the wheel for long enough? My back was tense and I was ready for a break. We stopped at a lonely roadside store, past strings of solitary mailboxes with no homes attached to them, out of sight up steep steep driveways, or without driveways, seemingly random in placement. We bought salami, to go with our delicious crackers which there seem to be a looming shortage of. Salami, hummus, broccoli, townhouse crackers. Randomly, some Fritos. That's our food inventory.
The sun came out, and the fog rolled back. We could now see across the sparkles - noting the changes in depth, clearly marked by water color. (oh, fishies, live on amid the filth that daily we add to your playtank! ) We twisted and bent to Monterey. Up and down we wended our way toward San Francisco, with a stressful (for me) set of conversations about where we were going to spend the night. Apparently wednesday night is a busy night for hotels, as many were completely full. I began to wonder if we would have to camp out in the car. But no, such was not our fate! We got the last room with two beds at the Stratford Court. We were tired and were showing shocking signs of travelburn. N came to stay with us at the hotel, after a lovely dinner. I think perhaps that was one of my most favourite restaurant meals ever. I had steak - a tender cut, done just right, with wild mushrooms that were oh so tasty on the side and carmelized onions, with a baked potato. The portions were perfect, and the food...yum. I fell asleep at 9:30, earlier than I have in years.
We got up and had croissants for breakfast, and took a quick visit to the Grace Church Cathedral. Saying our goodbyes, we got in the car after a lengthy conversation with the valet and made our way north. I must say, I rather enjoyed those long strips along the 5, looking at orchards upon orchards, thinking...this is a completely different way of life than I am used to. Also completely different Wendy's service, as they messed up both our orders in fine fashion, which hasn't happened to me in years. Harmony, population 18. Road 5. Rural America, at its finest.
Then came the mountain passes. Miles and miles up up 6% grade, then down 6% grade. Passing trucks, downshifting, tested the limits of my car and of my driving ability. A little skittish from the previous day's near encounter round a curve, I set the pace slow and concentrated. Oh, Mount Shasta, how you awed me!
We came upon it, seemingly out of nowhere, as it rose starkly off to the left. It was so white! Its shape leads to very few places where snow cannot settle, making it nearly impossible to tell where the mountain began and the sky ended, if you didn't look closely. All alone, it sits in quiet elegance, snow blinding white and seemingly evenly coated, leaving just a few crags uncovered. To follow the LOTR references, it was like Lonely Mountain.
Too bad we didn't get any pictures. Though I doubt it would have done it justice. What we did get pictures of was another small mountain that appeared out of nowhere. Shasta, how I miss you, even two weeks later.
Oregon, here we come! Land of no sales tax and not putting gas in your own car. We stopped to get directions and I drank an odd green drink at Starbucks that had kiwi and celery in it, but actually taste pretty good. We were hijacking the wifi in order to find a place to live. Needless to say, we did not plan our vacation before started it. We found a hotel that had a nice breakfast room, and walked to a place called Greenleaf for dinner, where I had the most awful chicken I do believe I have ever tasted and where we both kind of spread out along the booth bench. Luckily our legs are not long enough to have our feet dangling at the end like forgotten drooping balloons. Then we took a nap. Yes, a nap, at 6:30 pm. After which, we took in a play: Pride and Prejudice. We sat in the back, and later commented on how they did absolutely nothing with the set, and how it was a bit stiff at the beginning (this was one of the first times they'd ever performed it). Darcy had a weird speech "thing" I didn't like - his s's were strange - and poor Lizzy, I felt like she was straining so hard, her neck cords were popping out. Mr. Bennett was completely ineffective and Mr. Collins stole the show. The version we saw put a lot of emphasis on Mrs. Bennett - which I am used to, thanks to A&E, but that even surpassed. They did do some interesting things about the passage of time that I thought were cool though.
Day 3: 9am, we head out. Day 3 was Rain Day. It rained. And rained. And rained. ALL DAY!!!
After a few more hours of mountain passes (now I know why only trucks come this way!) we stopped at a gas station and out of habit I drove up to the pump even though we didn't really need gas. We went inside and it was the oddest mix of convenience store and J&L, with a little Home Depot thrown in. It was very strange, but the people seemed friendly enough, and mum found some cards she liked, that also made me laugh.
We hit some snaggleteeth of traffic near Portland, and then it was stop-and-go solidly from near Olympia all the way to our destination. I have never felt more "are we there yet? are we there YET?" whines build up inside of me. Sadly, let a few of them slip out. We listened to O Brother, Where Art Thou? and decided to visit the Big Rock Candy Mountain someday and to 'stay on the sunny side of life', which seemed incredibly ironic at the time, as we had not seen a single direct ray of sunshine all day up until that point, and didn't see any for the rest of the day, either.
We had all these plans about how we were going to listen to the book club book of the month and get naps in the car. I was the only one who took a nap, and we didn't listen to a single minute of that book on tape the entire way. My nap was for an hour or so on the third day. Mom drove between the odd gas station/hardware store/seed store and Portland. I think. I don't know, it was all a blur. That entire third day was just, let's get there, let's get there! I drove a little faster than was strictly safe with all the rain that was glutting the roads and was glad for my mudflaps. In LA mudflaps are obviously gratuitous but they may prove useful yet!
And now I am here. Ready to start my new life. I'll add pictures as soon as I get them (hint: yes, that means I want you to send them to me!)
Good people: I have arrived!
Here's how The Trip went. I do believe it is the longest road trip I have ever taken, roughly 1200 miles from start to finish, covering three days and at least that many inches of rain.
By the way, I will write a separate log about all the travails and helps that I had to deal with/was blessed with to give credit to all the lovely people who helped make this move possible. (Yes, the cheese was intentional, but your help is much appreciated nonetheless.)
The travelog:
Wednesday, 6:45 am. Put keys into the box. Get in car. Drive away. Get gas. Get on 405. Wind through hills, past the Getty, past that circular tower in which I will never live but will always wish I had experienced. Down into the valley, with smog hanging like a silk curtain (let's romanticize a little). Average: 80 miles/hour. Topanga, how I will miss hearing your name being memorialized daily as being a traffic hazard. Wind westward on the 101. Rain falls.
Just before San Luis Obispo: Jack in the Box. Lunch at 10:45. A bit early for me, but it turns out to be a great decision, as there was a guy in there who drove the 101 all the time and gave us good directions. He heard us asking the former CalTrans employee (now JitB on break) about if there was a number to call about landslides and he gave it to us, along with directions of where to get on.
We started up the 1. I have never done any driving like that before. Curves winding so steeply, rising and falling in elevation. 15 miles an hour, in heavy, heavy fog. Sometimes I couldn't even see where the road was going to curve next. It was like being in Mordor, except with no fire and ash, fog and (sometimes) angry surf instead. For miles we saw no one.
We got out a few times...the turquoise water was too alluring. Once we stopped and stood on the edge of a steep ravine, rain gently misting our glasses in perfect tiny drops. We couldn't see the ocean, but we knew it was there. We could see streams trickling toward the ocean, but we couldn't see the destination. It's cold by the sea. It was grey and the sea seemed to be content...but grey days on the ocean always remind me how powerful it is - no man can stop the tide. Good thing too...it would be a sorry thing if men could control everything.
The UPS driver whipped around the curves that I had been inching round for hours, smiling and waving. Waving? How can you take your hands off the wheel for long enough? My back was tense and I was ready for a break. We stopped at a lonely roadside store, past strings of solitary mailboxes with no homes attached to them, out of sight up steep steep driveways, or without driveways, seemingly random in placement. We bought salami, to go with our delicious crackers which there seem to be a looming shortage of. Salami, hummus, broccoli, townhouse crackers. Randomly, some Fritos. That's our food inventory.The sun came out, and the fog rolled back. We could now see across the sparkles - noting the changes in depth, clearly marked by water color. (oh, fishies, live on amid the filth that daily we add to your playtank! ) We twisted and bent to Monterey. Up and down we wended our way toward San Francisco, with a stressful (for me) set of conversations about where we were going to spend the night. Apparently wednesday night is a busy night for hotels, as many were completely full. I began to wonder if we would have to camp out in the car. But no, such was not our fate! We got the last room with two beds at the Stratford Court. We were tired and were showing shocking signs of travelburn. N came to stay with us at the hotel, after a lovely dinner. I think perhaps that was one of my most favourite restaurant meals ever. I had steak - a tender cut, done just right, with wild mushrooms that were oh so tasty on the side and carmelized onions, with a baked potato. The portions were perfect, and the food...yum. I fell asleep at 9:30, earlier than I have in years.We got up and had croissants for breakfast, and took a quick visit to the Grace Church Cathedral. Saying our goodbyes, we got in the car after a lengthy conversation with the valet and made our way north. I must say, I rather enjoyed those long strips along the 5, looking at orchards upon orchards, thinking...this is a completely different way of life than I am used to. Also completely different Wendy's service, as they messed up both our orders in fine fashion, which hasn't happened to me in years. Harmony, population 18. Road 5. Rural America, at its finest.Then came the mountain passes. Miles and miles up up 6% grade, then down 6% grade. Passing trucks, downshifting, tested the limits of my car and of my driving ability. A little skittish from the previous day's near encounter round a curve, I set the pace slow and concentrated. Oh, Mount Shasta, how you awed me!
We came upon it, seemingly out of nowhere, as it rose starkly off to the left. It was so white! Its shape leads to very few places where snow cannot settle, making it nearly impossible to tell where the mountain began and the sky ended, if you didn't look closely. All alone, it sits in quiet elegance, snow blinding white and seemingly evenly coated, leaving just a few crags uncovered. To follow the LOTR references, it was like Lonely Mountain.
Too bad we didn't get any pictures. Though I doubt it would have done it justice. What we did get pictures of was another small mountain that appeared out of nowhere. Shasta, how I miss you, even two weeks later.
Oregon, here we come! Land of no sales tax and not putting gas in your own car. We stopped to get directions and I drank an odd green drink at Starbucks that had kiwi and celery in it, but actually taste pretty good. We were hijacking the wifi in order to find a place to live. Needless to say, we did not plan our vacation before started it. We found a hotel that had a nice breakfast room, and walked to a place called Greenleaf for dinner, where I had the most awful chicken I do believe I have ever tasted and where we both kind of spread out along the booth bench. Luckily our legs are not long enough to have our feet dangling at the end like forgotten drooping balloons. Then we took a nap. Yes, a nap, at 6:30 pm. After which, we took in a play: Pride and Prejudice. We sat in the back, and later commented on how they did absolutely nothing with the set, and how it was a bit stiff at the beginning (this was one of the first times they'd ever performed it). Darcy had a weird speech "thing" I didn't like - his s's were strange - and poor Lizzy, I felt like she was straining so hard, her neck cords were popping out. Mr. Bennett was completely ineffective and Mr. Collins stole the show. The version we saw put a lot of emphasis on Mrs. Bennett - which I am used to, thanks to A&E, but that even surpassed. They did do some interesting things about the passage of time that I thought were cool though.
Day 3: 9am, we head out. Day 3 was Rain Day. It rained. And rained. And rained. ALL DAY!!!
After a few more hours of mountain passes (now I know why only trucks come this way!) we stopped at a gas station and out of habit I drove up to the pump even though we didn't really need gas. We went inside and it was the oddest mix of convenience store and J&L, with a little Home Depot thrown in. It was very strange, but the people seemed friendly enough, and mum found some cards she liked, that also made me laugh.
We hit some snaggleteeth of traffic near Portland, and then it was stop-and-go solidly from near Olympia all the way to our destination. I have never felt more "are we there yet? are we there YET?" whines build up inside of me. Sadly, let a few of them slip out. We listened to O Brother, Where Art Thou? and decided to visit the Big Rock Candy Mountain someday and to 'stay on the sunny side of life', which seemed incredibly ironic at the time, as we had not seen a single direct ray of sunshine all day up until that point, and didn't see any for the rest of the day, either.
We had all these plans about how we were going to listen to the book club book of the month and get naps in the car. I was the only one who took a nap, and we didn't listen to a single minute of that book on tape the entire way. My nap was for an hour or so on the third day. Mom drove between the odd gas station/hardware store/seed store and Portland. I think. I don't know, it was all a blur. That entire third day was just, let's get there, let's get there! I drove a little faster than was strictly safe with all the rain that was glutting the roads and was glad for my mudflaps. In LA mudflaps are obviously gratuitous but they may prove useful yet!
And now I am here. Ready to start my new life. I'll add pictures as soon as I get them (hint: yes, that means I want you to send them to me!)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Hey, Soul Sister
That's the song of the week. The one that's always on when I turn on the radio. The one that I'm humming as I walk up the steps to get to my flat. The one that this week I love, and next week will become a terror to my inner heartstrings from overdose. It's by Train, in case you're not familiar and wish to look it up. However, I'm too lazy to provide a link here for you.
So, a muse:
LA's version of christmas lights
brakelights and headlights as far as the eye can see
flashing white and red, in long clumpy strings, wending their way imperfectly across the landscape
onramp meters add occasional pepperings of red and green staccato, in exclamation points of color not quite on the beaten path
like jingle bells being shaken, cars move and brake in an awkward jumble of squeaky breaks and balding tires - an odd cacophony for unison.
A few measures of this symphony:
Signal, move, brake. Brake, tense, brake. Signal, fumes, hold. Dart left, brake, swerve. Pull hair. Tap wheel, turn dial. Wince, turn dial. Grumble, roll eyes (at neighbor using cell phone). Brake. Battle nervous tic. Brake, gun engine, brake. Signal, move. Dart right. Watch mirror. Brake.
the rhythm of the dance is never quite in sync, but it gets the job done
later, rather than sooner, the cars graduate from the year-round lighting masterpiece and move make the exit...some leaving tire tracks, others delicately extricating themselves with unbelievable panache.
So, a muse:
LA's version of christmas lights
brakelights and headlights as far as the eye can see
flashing white and red, in long clumpy strings, wending their way imperfectly across the landscape
onramp meters add occasional pepperings of red and green staccato, in exclamation points of color not quite on the beaten path
like jingle bells being shaken, cars move and brake in an awkward jumble of squeaky breaks and balding tires - an odd cacophony for unison.
A few measures of this symphony:
Signal, move, brake. Brake, tense, brake. Signal, fumes, hold. Dart left, brake, swerve. Pull hair. Tap wheel, turn dial. Wince, turn dial. Grumble, roll eyes (at neighbor using cell phone). Brake. Battle nervous tic. Brake, gun engine, brake. Signal, move. Dart right. Watch mirror. Brake.
the rhythm of the dance is never quite in sync, but it gets the job done
later, rather than sooner, the cars graduate from the year-round lighting masterpiece and move make the exit...some leaving tire tracks, others delicately extricating themselves with unbelievable panache.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
the Sound of Silence
silence like a cancer grows/people talking without speaking/people listening without hearing/people writing songs that voices never share/ and no one dares/ disturb the sound of silence
I came up with a great phrase today: soliloquy of silence.
That, I do believe, says it all. At least, all for today.
I came up with a great phrase today: soliloquy of silence.
That, I do believe, says it all. At least, all for today.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Homeward Bound
For two weeks, I was on Cold Mountain terrain. I had a warm bed, plenty of drink, and good company to take away the cold and make it rosy and glowing.
I'd like to point out that being with people is hard. It takes energy and perseverance and understanding. It is waiting with (or without) sniping when the other person is finally ready to go. It's about compromise. It's trying and frustrating and makes you want to pull your hair out sometimes...or just go lose yourself in a good book or on a solitary stroll.
The solitary times are the reflections, the idea builders, the trying to figure out who you are changes. It's the quiet affirmations with the wind in your hair, the furious journal writing, the talking to God and feeling your soul grow times. They're the times when you beat yourself up the most and have the moments of clarity that give you direction. They're the times when you ponder status quo and decide to change. When songs of the heart steal through your veins and beat a tattoo on your conscience.
And, don't forget: it's the times with people that you remember. The lazy afternoon car rides, the watching movies, the playing games, the quoting books, the squabbling over spaghetti leftovers, the arguments that make you reaffirm those beliefs that you decided to uphold in the solitary moments.
We all need both. Just when I think I prefer solitude to waiting in the cold car for the last straggler family member, I think, "where would I be without this person, who has loved me and uplifted me...Who has contributed to my crankiness and who has done my share when I wasn't able to? Who woke me up with the exuberance of the morning and of loudly squawking when I wasn't willing to share?"
I'd be alone, and all the quiet walks and soul-piercing moments can't begin to compare to the joy of belonging, of being absolutely sure of another being's love for you - that arms are open, waiting to hug you, and that there is always someone rooting for you - on your side.
To be alone is absolutely required sometimes to keep the sanity alive. But I can't think of a worse fate than to be in silent solitude forever.
I'd like to point out that being with people is hard. It takes energy and perseverance and understanding. It is waiting with (or without) sniping when the other person is finally ready to go. It's about compromise. It's trying and frustrating and makes you want to pull your hair out sometimes...or just go lose yourself in a good book or on a solitary stroll.
The solitary times are the reflections, the idea builders, the trying to figure out who you are changes. It's the quiet affirmations with the wind in your hair, the furious journal writing, the talking to God and feeling your soul grow times. They're the times when you beat yourself up the most and have the moments of clarity that give you direction. They're the times when you ponder status quo and decide to change. When songs of the heart steal through your veins and beat a tattoo on your conscience.
And, don't forget: it's the times with people that you remember. The lazy afternoon car rides, the watching movies, the playing games, the quoting books, the squabbling over spaghetti leftovers, the arguments that make you reaffirm those beliefs that you decided to uphold in the solitary moments.
We all need both. Just when I think I prefer solitude to waiting in the cold car for the last straggler family member, I think, "where would I be without this person, who has loved me and uplifted me...Who has contributed to my crankiness and who has done my share when I wasn't able to? Who woke me up with the exuberance of the morning and of loudly squawking when I wasn't willing to share?"
I'd be alone, and all the quiet walks and soul-piercing moments can't begin to compare to the joy of belonging, of being absolutely sure of another being's love for you - that arms are open, waiting to hug you, and that there is always someone rooting for you - on your side.
To be alone is absolutely required sometimes to keep the sanity alive. But I can't think of a worse fate than to be in silent solitude forever.
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